I'm not a big fan of the institution of marriage as a whole but just wondering if there are any other single guys above the age of 35 here. Where do you guys see this whole thing heading?
Particularly interested in hearing from single men from the 35+ age group. Is marriage a long term goal in your radar?
|Displaying 1 to 50 of 75 comments.|
|Previous comments: 1 2 |
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 02:16 AM|
I'm 38, and I'm not into the whole marriage thing as well. But i do want to be with guy who will be in it through the long haul.
Taking that step.. It's a serious thing... Whoever this person is.. He'll be a big part of your life. The better half as they say. You'll be investing so much of your time and energy.. Everything will be devoted to him...the same will be given to you in return. The last thing anyone would want is someone who felt he's ready for it.. But then later regretted it. Either due to family pressure, friends, relatives, self doubt, fear of "getting bored."
On the other hand... I do not know what's it like to be in a relationship. I've never truly been with a guy at that level. Haven't met the right one. I am hoping though. Beacuse that fear is there so to speak... After I cross 40..then what...?
Feel as though this generation is losing it.. Or worse.. It's gone already.. When It comes to falling in love.
Don't know, I Just think... If two people are truly committed.. There'd be no reason for them to cheat and eventually give up on each other.
Being with that one special guy... You'd be so into him... To know about him, care for him and his family.. To understand him and feel something so new all over again.
There are strong relationships. I'm not saying this generation is devoid of it.
All we can ever do is to hope. Maybe one day someone will change your life...no matter what age.
We all have our own timeline.
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 03:01 AM|
Hi I'm a millennial single and I'm not going to get married.
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 06:35 AM|
Where is marriages even happening? In the name of so called feminism and Independence, these days girls throw up so much of tantrums, and after marriages, thanks to their paychecks and financial Independence, they are at ease to call it off and file divorce. And hell they demand huge alimony. The way i see, i don't think marriages will happen and even if it does, it may not last. Elder ppl with children, educate your kids in lawyer profession. There's a lot of scope.
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 05:14 PM|
Honesty is hard to digest nowadays.. I get honest n ppl walk away.. N unfortunately looking for that innocence of young age as well.. Anyway.. Hoping to have a family with guy..
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 05:24 PM|
Well...isn't marriage still a long haul in India? Commitment...well personally I think we need to work around an ideal situation where no partner feels trapped or bored. How? To each his own. But for me, I don't like being instructed or questioned. Both may lead their own lives but come back home to each other
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 06:13 PM|
Guys get married and have kids, Forget the expectations from wife'...Feel the father hood and enjoy the slices of life..I am bisexual...i also thought of not getting married but my boyfriend convinced me and we both are happily married...some times we spend quality time once or twice in a month
Being gay not married is hell
We both tried paid girl *** and successful.
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 06:43 PM|
You didn't mention if you meant straight marriage or gay marriage.. however, by the tone of it, to me, it surely sounds more of a Straight marriage that you're referring to.
I'm Bi and have been married to someone of opposite *** for more than 5yrs. Having lived a life on both the sides and having had relationship with both the Gender before marriage, I can tell that been with opposite Gender has been more fulfilling.
Generally men are more *** than women and they usually try to get someone who's attractive looks wise to fulfil thier sexual desires. This trait of men makes it difficult for most men to settle with another man who also comes with same traits. Hence it makes it even more difficult for people who posses less attractiveness in their looks.
Marrying opposite *** may not be an option for most of Gay/ Bi men but it may be still a best option if they could live in a committed generic Marriage.
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 06:53 PM|
I am also happily married for 5 years and 3 years old son. If your *** become hard by watching straight *** then u can marry.My best friend is my boyfriend and we because close by watching *** we mutually *** eachother .later he liked my *** and did blow job.. Believe me or not a man can give best blow job..
..Then we decided to stay together. But also we wanted family.
By God's grace we can satisfy our wife's.
His daughter also in same age.
We wish our children get married to each other
|Posted On Oct 7, 2019 - 07:59 PM|
@doirelin...no I didn't necessarily mean straight. I meant any sort of bond.
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 12:55 PM|
I literally don't believe in institutional interference in love. I'm currently partnered but marriage-free (free from state interference in my personal life). Thank goodness.
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 01:05 PM|
Better to stay in partnered relationship (live -in relationship).
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 01:14 PM|
Even marriage of gays is not possible due to high expectations from men. Right physical features to financial reasons there are a high expectations. This holds true for any type of marriage. So marriage as institution is just a contract of agreement these days. Even hetero guys still cribb why they got married in the first place.
Staying single isn't difficult either if.you plan your life accordingly with good financial reserve to back you.
But one factor that plays down is the emotional bonding that you will loose or may not get. Someone to be there for you or you for him is something that can never fulfilled. Well that's life isn't it!!! Cruel!!!
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 01:40 PM|
Hi..me from gujarat. Gay btm. Age 47. Never married. Happy as a single. But also looking for gay partner same or near to my age group for live in. I believe in honesty and mutual understanding for both partner. Respect for each other.
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 02:55 PM|
I am 29 and nvr getting married but really want someone in my life.. hopefully i will get my better half soon
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 05:10 PM|
Am from kurnool andhrapradesh looking for well decent fair guy with place in Hyderabad /Bangalore nearest location to my place ...I love more guy with decent softcore loves mutual understanding ... Intrested to go any trip with guy in weekend ... More over friendship means love not direct in to *** ..love eachother involve other activities ......
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 05:38 PM|
As someone said, therz a small confusion about this thread.
But am gonna share my view.
First of all, understand the fact, not getting married or staying single is no big deal, but later, how do you face challenges?
1. You will be alone and have to fight the battle of life alone
2. Comig out to family or not? This is a sensitive decision one has to make.
If you ask me, personally i don't find it necessary to disclose the orientation. Our society is still not so open about it.
3. Finding a partner. Forget about gay marriages. Even settling down for a living together relationship is also nexf to impossible...
I guess I need not specify why its almost impossible...
So what all these constraints, I personally feel remaining single is a little tough than what we actually think..
Reality will always be different than our imagination.
Correct me if am wrong, and please don't mind if am too blunt..
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 05:50 PM|
There is a solution but bit difficult...A gay can marry a lesbian .Apart from sexual instinct they can stay together and start a family.
Our loved ones also won't get hurt
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 06:08 PM|
@decentbottom - you're pretty correct about this thread. It's about dealing with living alone when you're old
|Posted On Oct 8, 2019 - 07:09 PM|
Why dont we try gay marriage or live in relation ships
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 03:42 AM|
Since this is mainly a dating /cruising site, there might be very few people who are willing to have a gay relationship for lifetime / gay marriage. But there are gay couples living together.
My current circumstances do not let me live with a gay partner, but I intend to do so.
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 03:58 AM|
I love the idea of marriage two people spending the rest of their lives being together through thick and thin of life,sharing everything...
But it always seemed to me like a fairy tail,
In reality what you as a partner asking him is to accept you the way you are,forgive your all mistakes,take you in your every decision.
And I think that's a LOT TO ASK FOR, when even we dont know what we want, as our emotions fluctuate so our needs and our understanding of relationships.
So what once you loved the most can be the most hateful.. That's why I think it's better to be alone, Sure That it's not easy but you won't be blaming anyone else for your mistakes.
Finally I am not against marriage. I think it's the most beautiful thing one can have, but it's very rare to see that level of commitment these days.
Have a Great life everyone. Love♥️
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 04:55 AM|
a gay commune could be another idea.
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 06:21 AM|
I don't reason as why this thread points towards only millennials , live single can be for anyone irrespective of age.
@roniel,. It's called as marriage of convenience. It's quite difficult and very rare to happen. But there are few instances that it has happened and over time the sheen vanishes and started in the opposite directions.
It's a very good thread to discuss about how one has planned to spend if he/she chooses to remains single. But a lot of societal and parental pressure will play and 90% you would be pushed into it no matter what. But despite all this if you chose to lead a single live (till Mr Right comes into the frame). Read below,
For me, I have planned it in such way that there wouldn't be a financial or healthcare burden in my later years. This is bound to be a expensive issue as we get past our prime and into the sunset years. So take sufficient health care cover starting now or atleast if you have crossed into thirties.
Start investing in SIPS or PPF so that you wouldn't be dependable on anyone even if it's your for last rites. Its true but a hard reality. Am not saying money is all but it is important as well. So plan it.
In the mean time if luck smiles on you and God is on your side, you may get a person who can be with you. But still keep the above two points in mind for your better half too.
Anything I missed out , please add.
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 07:01 AM|
@male_fantasy Very good and practical points. I agree with you in the financial planning part. Very important. It applies to anyone in the world.
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 09:00 AM|
Am new to this with out anals cocksucking / *** *** ..guys I have feeling to go any trp with depress / loneliness guys. ,,, just I need relationship ...any guys plan to trip on sharing basis ....
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 04:50 PM|
The thoughts shared by dn38, decent bottom & male fantasy touch upon the reality of the situation.
I for one am happily unmarried, haven't ever been in a relationship to know what it will be like, but I have been caught in the cross fire of others relationships & ego tussles which it brought with it, this was enough hassle for me to realise l might not be one to enjoy this side of things. Not like I'm absolutely closed to that option, but it's not like I'm doing much about it either.
Being someone who can speak for himself, single life isn't all bad. All you need is to build yourself a sustainable ecosystem, comprising of good friends who will stand by you in all times. Alongside reliable contacts that you might need to sort out day to day stuff that comes your way.
The one point which male_fantasy pointed out which is absolutely something we all, immaterial married or not, but more so for us singletons, is SAVE UP! Geriatric care isn't cheap& you can only manage as long as you can alone. This is a growing industry & we're the revenue generators for it.
For those of you who are happily married or managing to stay married & father children & live by the social norms of society. I wouldn't expect too much from a sustainable future from your kids as you grow old, that's an unfair expectation from you on them. There are many such so called "investments", living in care homes or alone at home, since their kids are either out of the country or live separately.
Case& point being, nothing is guaranteed! Its only you who has your own back.
@lips4hugepoles: Thank you for putting together this thread, which allows a safe forum for us to voice our thoughts which otherwise go unnoticed & unattended to!
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 05:07 PM|
@stopgap... True... Totally Agree with that. Just facing the reality of it.
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 05:16 PM|
It is DN38, I suppose the sooner one comes to terms with it, lives the reality as opposed to the fantasy. Makes it all the more easier, since there's a correlation then between the two!
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 05:53 PM|
Let me tell you all...
Am 32... Few years back my parents started talking about my marriage. Right from day 1, I was confident enough about my decision. Initially I thought of finding reasons to reject any proposals. After that it took a while for me to convey my parents that am not ready for a marriage.
After I was completely sure about my orientation, I never wanted to ruin someone's life, just for the sake of the status in the society... After all, we are born single and we are gonna die single. Happiness is the ultimate bliss, if I find happiness in leading a single life, & not ruining anybody's life, thats an accomplishment.
So I started convincing my parents and started telling them I wanna remain single. Believe me, it was never easy. The day I was successful, I felt equally happy about myself and awful about my parents. I know i had shattered their dreams, but that was inevitable...
Now after some time, my parents love me more than before and they even respect me for being so responsible. All this I did without me disclosing my orientation. Nothing is difficult if we are matured by thoughts and sensitive enough about our decisions.
I see many here, who are just irresponsible and blindfolded by lust. They can never understand what love and relationship is.
Again not to generalize, therz a heavy number out there, who fall under the category I fall into. Looking for love and commitment. Its compassion...
Please think and be strong. Analyze what you are and what you need in life...
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 05:58 PM|
I’m originally from the UK and I have lots of friends who are happily gay married back in England. There are no differences between their relationships and that of straight marriages. Many also now have children, and I’d hope to do the same one day too, although ideally with an Indian top husband ;)
|Posted On Oct 9, 2019 - 06:21 PM|
@decentbottom.. I completely resonate with you & your approach. It's a matter of choice & choosing to live a lie or just be true to yourself. Like you, I had the whole family about 18-22 in count confront me at once on a Sunday, about why I should be getting married & why am I not getting married.
I could've very easily buckled under the pressure & agreed, but I couldn't live a lie & drag someone else into this lie with me.
So I stood my ground & was clear that this isn't going to happen.. Not now or ever & even though they still try to passively to get me reconsider, they're pretty sure it's not gonna happen!
At least this way i know I haven't wronged anyone into something they had no clue about.
What goes around comes around after all!
|Posted On Oct 10, 2019 - 01:39 AM|
I've been questioned a lot as well. Either about having a girlfriend or getting married. But i still responded with taking my own time. I don't like being confronted.
Feel as though we're still living in the past. There are other parts of the world that have accepted all of this.. no qualms about it.
I prefer things to remain in secrecy, especially when im with my guy. Don't want the whole world to know about us. Just let us be.. As we are... Away from people who won't understand and eventually condemn, misjudge. Let us live our life on our own terms.
I'm out to just a handful of friends.. They know me inside out. And they are concerned.. Since I haven't been with anyone till now.
I've always been adviced to move out of Pune, get a job in Canada.. Find someone and settle down there.
But....i can't. It's not easy. Everything has to fall into place. Else it'll not work. It will affect us both.
To leave this place.. To rebuild everything again.. With a new kind of fear i.e..if this is it... Am I satisfied with my new job? Will this guy stay? Will he feel I'm not enough for him? Am I worth it? Whatever im doing.. It's not just for me.. It's for him as well.
At this age.... There's like... Zero tolerance for mindless flings.
If he's ready to commit and give us a chance... So am i.
|Posted On Oct 10, 2019 - 02:15 AM|
If there was a revenue value added to every such suggestion, I suppose we'd all be able to retire happily by now.. 😁
Again completely in the same situation. Picking up & moving everything isn't easy, plus going to a new place & starting a new job, will mean starting from scratch,prior experience doesn't hold much value in a new country, which means it's you reinventing the wheel all over.
At the end of the day it's about how feasible & doable it is... Can listen but eventual decision lies with us!
|Posted On Oct 10, 2019 - 05:06 AM|
Well I wouldn't blame the institution of marriage as such.
MARRIAGE IS A SOCIAL SANCTION FOR A VALID PARTNERSHIP AND LEGAL ***.
Having said it's the partnership and *** which drives the whole entity of marriage. Partnership particularly doesn't confine to bed, it's mostly off the bed. Mutual understanding, respecting choices, non suffocating personal space, financial independence and of course a mutually satisfying *** life. So even in a gay marriage or straight one only these factors decide the success of a marriage.
|Posted On Oct 10, 2019 - 05:08 AM|
Given the current scenario, So it's up to the individual's choice to get married and make it a success. Don't get married for a societal pressure.
|Posted On Oct 10, 2019 - 06:56 AM|
I'm 28. I'm sure that I will never marry a girl because I don't want to ruin her life as well as mine and moreover, I can't spend my whole life in a disguise hiding my true self. I have made this point clear to my parents and to my surprise, they have accepted my decision without much questions. And I'm sure it's not a trap as some of my friends had suggested back then.
I want to spend my life with a loving and caring partner (male) and I would love to bond for life. But I'm not sure how feasible that option is and hence I'm also mentally prepared to spend my life alone while keeping my hopes up.
I don't believe in the societal norms of marriage. I don't believe that a few religious ceremony or a signed contact have anything to do about the love and care which are the foundations of a relationship. But legally, that paper comes handy and it entitles to a few financial benefits for the couple like insurance policies, mediclaim, joint loans etc. So if some days the government of India legalizes gay marriage and extended these facilities towards the gay couples as well, I'll probably go for it if I can find out my someone special...
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 02:21 AM|
Marriage needs commitment of trust love understanding nd responsibility in any type of marriage.
if done wit girls thy show attitude thn daily quarrels nd thn divorce.
if done wit men thy can b more understanding of thoughts as being same gender but in between if thy change track to other men thn relation gets spolied.
Being single is difficult as at some time human beings needs luv caring sharing bonding
so men to men luv marriage life can b gud if both promise to b true nd respect each other frm soul nd live happily.
I am also looking fr gud dcent guy frm Pune as m 33 but not getting gud value orinted man so can respect feelings nd take proper humanity care.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 03:33 AM|
There can be quarrels with men as well...And men also do some nakhras...It's not about gender, it's their nature.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 05:36 AM|
I totally agree with kdj
@punedude, you can't be more wrong. So you know what's the main problem, that a gay couple, specially in India, would face? Most of us are brought up in a way that we, the men, are mostly incapable of doing the regular household chores and we keep on believing that one day, we will get a maid named wife, and she will do everything for us. And so when two such men are coupled together, I hope I don't need to write down the consequences.
I would request you and everyone who wrote such comments in this forum that please don't be a misogynist. It's no better than being a homophobe....
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 06:12 AM|
In India if you are a gay man and ur looking for a partner... Even after crossing 30...40..60..80....90..100 years ..you would still end up being single and die a lonely death.. U would find many men to sleep with... But u wont get a single man to hold ur hand and love u all ur life...these can be good to see in movies, webseries, and read in books ..but in reality ..truth .....is bitter ... Virtual world is far different from real world...youngsters should not believe what they hear and see in the virtual world.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 07:07 AM|
FatChubbyBoobs, can''t tell it better! That''s the truth! That will remain forever.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 07:34 AM|
@fatchubbyboobs, don't be so pessimistic. Things are changing faster than we ever anticipated.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 09:01 AM|
Coolbisu91 ur being so optimistic right.. So tell me about ur relationship. ..do u have a steady long term partner whos been with u through thick and thin..??
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 09:16 AM|
@coolbisu91 if ur in a steady relation ship and ur partner isnt cheating on you and not using you ,emotionally, financially and giving you all his love and care... Then ur lucky and god has been kind to you... Other wise its quite tough to find a true lover in this gay world... Most of the gays have only these emotions -- place top botom vers ***.. Money .. Hang out friend, sponser for drinks, food , trips,outings ,taker for costly gifts like iphones and other stuff...and money too if they get this they are with the partner , if they dont they go for a new partner..
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 11:56 AM|
coolbisu91, the point FatChubby is in, is between Pessimism and Optimism...that''s realism!
There are exceptional, rare cases where 2 guys can live together till their last breath.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 01:07 PM|
Everyone here and in general in the community is blaming someone else. Its either men or society or something else. And most of the comments are laced with propriety. You think you are perfect and you need a perfect partner who will satisfy all the conditions. Have you taken a good look at yourself ? Are you really that pefect that you expect so much ?
Think about your parents. Imagine your mother saying about your father that his *** is only 5" so I cant get satisfied. Lets not go further. Or you father saying your mother's boobs are not firm or too small ? And rejecting her for that reason. The very premise of seeking a partner is so flawed ! Would all of us be in existence had they thought like us ? Financially stable, pure top, pure bottom, feminine, masculine and all other "qualities' we are so obsessed with.
Think of what they looked for in their partners. Maturity ? Understanding ? Integrity ? Honesty ? Loyalty? Companionship and above all strength. Strength to face any and all circumstances even when the other person becomes weak. To be able to hold him or her and get them up again or support them for life. Those mantras recited during marraige ceremony are not mere sanskrit words. They have a lot of meaning.
We have to take a good look at our philosophy of partnership and marraige. Else this comfort of blaming everyone and irresponsibility will cause the lonliness which is talked so much about. Society is last of the concerns. First of all are you ready to be ina mature relationship in which *** plays a small role ? Companionship calls for a different life alltogether and not just *** *** and foreplay.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 05:52 PM|
@letsfuck, you explained the correct situation & scenario. Absolutely agree with your thoughts.
|Posted On Oct 11, 2019 - 11:41 PM|
Few need to grow up in their brains ..not in their undies ..and understand the depth of the conversation before commenting on others posts...women dont have huge requirements about *** sizes and men too are not too obsessed With big boobs not all women can have sunny leones boobs..every one knows about the marriage vows ...thats in a hetero sexual marriage .. Tell me how much percentage of gay men are geting married in India with those marriage vows in presence of their family and parents.. Gay relationshiips are not going till the marriage level .. Most of them remain to be in a secret relationship ....yeah few move abroad and settle down there with their gay partner ..as in abroad.. laws are more lgbt friendly and liberal.. Thats a different story
|Posted On Oct 12, 2019 - 03:28 AM|
Till a year ago, gay *** was a crime. The only thing that has changed is it is not a crime. But it is still a stigma. socially not acceptable. So the question of how many gat marriages, relationships is totally irrelevant. I am happy to see that quite a few guys have expressed their decision not to marry ( a woman).
Living single, having financial security is another thing. it is necessary .
But emotional security is also another thing. Once you are past a certain age, being single leaves you isolated. The topics of discussion among your friends, colleagues, relatives of your age are focused on family matters, children you cannot take part in these. You may focus on career and professional life but that's not all ; it is only a part of life. You dont have someone to share your thoughts, feelings, issues with. Someone to go out with - for a movie or dining out or vacation.
And think about your retired life (just like you think about your health and finance post retirement). Do you want it to be lonely?
We indeed need a gay partner. We dont have to have a 100% match on all aspects of life, but yes a common minimum agreement is necessary.
I believe this applies to only gays (who have 0% interest in women) and not bisexuals.
|Posted On Oct 12, 2019 - 04:40 AM|
Huh. So it looks like the short answer to my question is - No
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