Finding love - because it's not only about ***
Whenever we visit a gay dating site, basically whatever we can find, are mainly concentrated about having ***. I don't have anything against that as I exploited that for a long period of my life. But when I decided that I'll come out, one of the major thoughts that came to my mind, was, what about my life? Do I need to spend my life alone? Will I ever be able to find a soul mate? Though I finally came out to my friends and parents, I still don't have the answer to that question. So here I want to ask the fellow openly gay people in ohmojo - what's your experience about this? Have you been able to find a stable boyfriend for a romantic relationship? If yes, then please share your story. May be your story can inspire a lot to come out and can also help people like to find love.
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|Displaying 1 to 50 of 93 comments.|
|Previous comments: 1 2 |
|Posted On Apr 30, 2019 - 02:47 PM|
Dear first find out what u r, either bisexual, gay, and orientation u like, because u can decide whom to choose as ur life partner. U can live life with full of enjoy. But first make it clear about itself, don't cheat either a girl or a boy.
|Posted On Apr 30, 2019 - 03:47 PM|
Gay world nobodys serious..everyones for a short time. For hetrosexuals its easy..they r accepted and they have marriage as a bond which they will think twice before breaking..in gay world everything is incognito and nobody gives a second thot before breaking up...
.if ur goodlooking then dont worry you will find someone..and if u r not so goodlooking then god help you (i generally do not go for looks, character matters and hope there are more people like me..), be prepared to live your life alone..alone...btw its not that bad as it seems..
Being alone means..less *** you take from others..be proud..
All the best to all dudes..
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 03:23 AM|
i agree with John. First understand what is your orientation and be brave to accept it. Most of the guys I have interacted with here and elsewhere are not clear what they want. They are quite confused and want to satisfy their hormonal surges at that instant. So there is no scope of love in there. I have been part of a few dating and hookup sites since my early twenties ( remember YM :D Lol!) and the first question then was ASL? now its LIKES? PLACE?. So getting back to point, there is love out there.... somewhere but it hasnt reached us. Its like light from distant star... will take eons to come and reach us but we may not be able to see it ( Wow, I cant believe I said that!) So all we could do is keeping looking at the horizon and may be if your stars are right , you find will Mr (B)right!
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 06:54 AM|
Well, it all depends on what works out mutually. I have been into couple of relationships and lasted for 3 and 5 years. When you are in love, you don't look out for any other guy. The mutual respect and care works well. Both my relationships broke just because we decided based on mutual agreement. But still we love and respect being at different geography.
Remember that, it is no ones fault and no one to blame for the situation we go through. It is just what it meant for the time we spent together is the time we cherish.
PS: Love is love :-)
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 09:24 AM|
Hi John and male_fantasy, you're absolutely right.
I always knew that I like boys, but I thought that I might like girls too and I haven't fallen for anyone just because I don't know many girls. So I tried to date girls and be with someone thinking that I'll suppress my homosexual side after getting married. But dating a girl was always extreme stressful for me and now of the relations lasted long.
But finally I met a girl and felt that she might be the one. The relation lasted to the point when we were both hinting each other about having ***. Once, we went for a trip and at night, we slept on the same bed. She was giving me many hints, but I felt absolutely nothing...
That was the point when I realised that I'm completely gay, not bisexual. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. But I ended that relationship soon after that with very silly reason. It took me about 2 years of kind of social isolation to finally accept myself.
I finally came out as gay to my friends and colleagues and finally to my parents. To my utmost surprise, everything worked out extremely well. Just my parents aren't ready yet for me to tell my other relatives about my sexuality right now. They asked for some time and they deserve that. So right now I'm not coming out on social media the way I planned.
I told my last girlfriend too about my sexuality. And she was happy about this too. She told that the way our relation ended, always bothered her. Now that she knows the reason and it was actually for not cheating her, she's having extremely good feelings about me.
So now I'm an (almost) openly gay person. And now the thought that pains me the most, is about finding love as I written in the question.
I don't know whether I'll ever be able to find a loving and caring boyfriend/husband for myself, but I think it'll at least be way better than getting married to a girl and ruining both lives...
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 09:37 AM|
@Bloreboy : you might be partially true, but not completely. I used to think like you as well. And that was a big reason for which I was extremely scared to come out. But then I found some openly gay people on the real social media platform (Facebook, instagram) during the 377 judgement last year. I started to follow them and gradually I got to know the large LGBTQIA+ community of Mumbai and other parts of India. I saw many happy couples there who are living together for years and done of them even got married to each other. (Either in other country or just by rituals)
So that picture encouraged me to finally come out openly. I know that social media can be deceiving, but even if a fraction of what I see there is true, I think it's enough for us to be hopeful...
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 10:12 AM|
Its difficult. Havent found mine. Have been trying since many years.
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 11:43 AM|
I'm literally looking for love.. no tym pass.. no more tem people..
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 11:48 AM|
Blame it on the way our society is wired up into. What do most of people in India heard the word GAY OR BI.
The simply mean someone who sucks *** and seduces straight men, has no ***, cannot yeild babies cannnot be a MAN and is always looking for *** and a shameless animal or a molester or has AIDS, Is girly or SOO MANY STIGMAS to carry around when you are gay in India.
Well buddy, can you change these out of say 50% population make majority of how people think about Homosexuality in general? May be this is what many LGBTQIA people are doing or may be most of them have chosen a hidden life instead of FIGHTING AGAINST STIGMA. Nothing can change if we chnage the LGBT Culture. There is not even a single movie endorsed by popular film producer s about homosexuality.
There is no awareness among the gya people that coming out can be more easy. There does not exists much RECEPTION and welcone for the people who come out as gay. So why take all risks of coming oht. It will require another 10 years of effort to project how homosexual cna lead a guilt free life in the minds of general homophobic public of india.
Other cultures are more receptive of coming oyt than indian culture. Only Lgbt community needs to put effort to make change no body will do it.
May be you can create a film or youtube channel about alternative lifestyle or meet up events. It will require collective effort and have to discourage quick one night stand culture thta goes around.
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 12:02 PM|
OH MY GAWWWDDD .. CASTOR JI. You are more dramatic than karan johars kabhi *** kabhi ***. It isnt so bad. And there is no connection between the discussion and what you are talking. Yes there is stigma and it isnt easy. But what in life isnt ?
There are mant LGBTQI++ related orgabisations. Humsafar trust, Gaybombay, Gaysi etc. Please do try to attend the events for the communtoy and you will find a lot of positivity and acceptance. There are gay couples who have been together in healthy relationships that willmput the straight indian couple to shame.
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 12:05 PM|
It is great that such law 377 should hvae been abolished much before. But better late than sorry.
This was a positive move for poor LGBT Society who has been oppressed much like Dalits society by Police and law enforcement they had to live in shade. But situations have improved a lot on Internet may not be in real life.
Celebrity coming out news make a big impact for LGBt but not many ppl are openly gay.
Unfortunately it is too late and I had to marry a woman because I lived in times there was no info age and lived in other timeline.
But there are couples who are leading normla life where hubby came out to mutually understanding wife.
I always wanted to hvae a guy to love me much like my amazing wife does. If only the times were in favor..
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 12:07 PM|
I identify myself as a gay man and almost all of my gay friends have partners. For some.reason i dont but i am faithful that eventually i will have. Please do not blame the communtiy, the society or anyone elae for your failed or non existant relationships. Being with someone is a very personal aspect and has got nothing to with anything other than the dynamics between two people.
FYI the younger generation is very accepting. I have met many from the community whose friends have openly accepted them and encourage them to be who they are and love who they want. India is changing. Very fast and having a soulmate is easier now than it was. God bless us.
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 12:10 PM|
I do not want to make personal comments but you somewhere were jot strong enough to stand for urself. Not strong to face consequences of coming out. You cannot blame the society for marrying a woman. If was a choice you made to fit in. To be accepted and live a normal life lime other atraight people. Is it wrong ? Thats upto u to decide. But blaming anyone other than urself is definitely wrong.
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 12:13 PM|
DO NOT JUDGE GAY MEN. There r many from.community who dont jump from one bed to another. There r many who have *** with their soul mates only. That is a pwrsonal choice and no one can judge anyone. If you have a problem wid dat then you need to deal with it. You yourself are so judgemnetal and you want to point fingers at everyone.
|Posted On May 1, 2019 - 03:42 PM|
Finding love is almost next to impossible.... But still this thread promotes hopes in the heart of many...
I wish everyone finds love...
|Posted On May 2, 2019 - 03:59 AM|
People think tat luv is lust nd *** but luv has different meaning it is a feeling of caring respect dignity to someone for someone nd most important it is a pure feeling emotion.
In todays world vry less understand this feeling. Luv caring is great feeling of taking true care of partner nd supporting nd giving confidence to him nd saying u r not alone m thr wit u. But many guys who r in gay or bisexual r behind money or *** the true pure feeling is not there.
Praying god to make people understand in this world the true pure meaning of luv.
M frm Pune for many years m loooking fr gud friend who can understand the purity of luv but not finding him. If anyone frm Pune kindly come to inbox.
|Posted On May 2, 2019 - 04:46 AM|
Firstly you can't find love, just as , when and how you want it...you dont contro the emotion or whatever you describe love as... you have to nurture it, make peace with it... its volatile and free flowing.. you have to be aware of it... and not control.. it's time and emotionally consuming and relentlessly comforting at the same time. it happens once you are ready to cross boundaries of physicality, social structure and everything tangible... just like to understand space you leave earth... to discover love, you leave everything you know about it. Book, movies, romantic songs, it's all a trap.. cause people dont find true love or love.. it just happens.. just like life on this planet came from nowhere.. and bloomed in many forms than one. Love isnt something you describe and have a need for, like a commodity.. it's something you can't escape when it finds its home in you.. I may sound poetic... but the truth is.. noone understands love really. thats how people fall out of it. it's too real for even those who want it the most... you just be open to the idea of loving, to let go.. just present yourself as someone who gives love rather than someone who wants love.. everyone wants love...
So you really wanna find love. love yourself enough to be able to radiant it.. the one who senses, will come to you... thats how i believe it's real. it happen to me with certain strangers i have nothing in common with.. and wasnt ***... .. it was more complex. I found myself doing things differently around them.. cause i didnt need to do anything it just became like swimming in the ocean.. or just silently breathing together.. knowing we all die alone.. but im with you for now. and in the fragment of relative time space.. thats all thats constant.. this moment... and thats how you start to enjoy love even when your not in love.. but in the presence of love..
and it's difficult to just love. instead of taking love...
Love hurts. Thats how you know it's working well.
My favorite lyrics on love...
" You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at
Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you
All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love!"
Yeah i took a lot time tto think about this.. cause i was actually asking this question for years. and this is what i discovered for me. P.s. yes. Love found me a few times :)
|Posted On May 2, 2019 - 09:00 AM|
My experience has not been good so far. I have been using Grindr, Planetromeo, Kik for a while but I havent come across any guy in India who wanted to meet over coffee and have a nice conversation. The chat is limited to ASL/ Pics/ Place. I guess its my bad luck.
My experience in Europe is different. Guys are ready to go on a date and have a nice conversation. However, I haven't not yet been lucky in finding love. Two of my Indian gay friends who live in London have Boyfriends (Non-Indian). One of them is getting married in December this year to his Italian boyfriend. So I guess its my bad luck and destiny that I have not been successful in finding love.
As I a am chub I guess the probability of finding a chaser love is zero :-)
|Posted On May 2, 2019 - 10:48 AM|
Hahaha. @boobi101 That "Ask/pic/place" comment surely made my day. I am tired of answering the same question over and over again. I mean why do we even create profiles then. We can read it on the profile. But still people ask over and over again. Its very boring.
|Posted On May 3, 2019 - 05:08 AM|
In my experience majority of the "pure tops" on the gay dating websites are actually straight people badly on the lookout for free ***. Rarely do we come across people who are passionate
|Posted On May 3, 2019 - 06:57 AM|
Trust me know one would love. It's just that we feel lonely and testosterone makes naughty fluctuations and we will think omg I'm feeling lonely and need some love. One you jump on to bed, satisfy your body, your harmones calms down...you'll be completely alright for next few hours 😉😉😉
|Posted On May 3, 2019 - 08:22 AM|
Finding love is a highly debatable and topic of taboo in gay world but I would say it is not impossible. There are many couples living in a committed and happy way in India and across the globe...but we all need to remember very much that love relation in gay world requires lot of maturity, mental / physical commitment between the two men and give time for the relation to blossom and strengthen with time.
|Posted On May 3, 2019 - 10:10 AM|
For me love is about romance ...care for each other ...like true friend ...I used get fall for it in school days ...me and my frnd in school days used to like each other pretty well we never had *** thought ...just used to feel each other ....we kissed each other that's it nothing beyond that...but once my school days are over..we haven't met for years ...now my frnd got married has child too but when we meet now m.i don't see anything in his eyes ...but still I am very happy for him..but my problem is when I see nay teen boy I feel something for him ...don't know how to change my emotions ..I tried so many things not to chat with any teen boys ..but still the problem getting bigger n bigger ...hope some day I can find someone who can understand me...
|Posted On May 3, 2019 - 04:44 PM|
Read it somewhere...
When you start to know someone, all their physical characterstics starts to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of the skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you cannot fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not by your heart. And that's why when u really connect with a person's inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.
What can someone do if they are not good looking?? Physical beauty which most of the people are after, is not chosen by oneselves, it's God gift..
- Words from disappointed person. 💔
|Posted On May 3, 2019 - 04:54 PM|
Hey Parth. What you said is very true.
It reminded me of a very beautiful line that I heard in the movie "Set it up"
"We like because, but we love despite..."
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 08:45 AM|
I used to watch gay p0rn when i lived in denial, i kept questioning and frustrating myself.
Some times i realuzed people are coming out and finally I started to accept myself. It became much esier and genuine feeling. I watch less *** and i feel more connected with myself than ever before.
Its great to see that it has been less than year the 377 has been scrapped off n more ppl are becoming self accepting ever. But stil homophobic media picks upn the LGBT+ as deviants. I want to to go away and live in non discrimination society.
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 09:22 AM|
Parth your inspired words are truly balm-like.
Now well into my 40s I'm looking for lust-ladden liasons on Grindr where so much premium is laid on youth & beauty.
A nasty guy infact called me an "ugly bitch". That was hard-hitting.
Tell one & all.....even though I've only ever had *** with men; I still deep down wonder am I gay or is it because I've never experienced sleeping with a girl.
I know it sounds silly & childish; but is there a "full proof" way of knowing what one's sexual orientation is 100%?
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 10:25 AM|
@BeingGayisOkay, it's good to know that you've finally found yourself. But you know what, a non discriminatory society is not something that suddenly come to existance, it is something that is needed to be built gradually. The Indian society now is at a certain point where they have just started to accept that the LGBTQIA+ community exists and they have started talking about this matter. So I think it is our responsibility to show the society that we're not deviants, we are not maniac, we are not perverts.
I am saying it from my own experience. I came out to a homophobic friend recently. This friend was really close to me, but he airways used to make gay jokes. But still I decided to come out to him even after knowing that our friendship may end. He was really shocked to know this because as per him, he always used to think that gay people don't come from a proper background,they are pervert and all they care about is ***. But after he got he to know about me, he was extremely surprised and as he knows me since very long, I ruined his complete understanding about gay people. So to make him more aware of the real world, I showed him the social media profiles of many openly gay people. He understood his fault and he apologized to me many times for all the discriminatory jokes that he cracked before.
I know that not every homophobic person will be logical and understanding like him, but this is the only way the society will change. The society needs to see more and more LGBTQIA+ role models to understand that we are not a totally different species. The difference is only about our choice and nothing else. And only then they will understand that being gay of okay, being gay is cool...
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 10:56 AM|
@Coolbisu91, very well explained. Now for the gay how falls into 'matured/uncle' category, who have married since 20 years, though yielding to societal pressure, it becomes difficult to come out of the closest. There is always a fear how the family members will react having known about the sexual orientation of that individual. It is happening with me! Now I have learnt to learn to live by suppressing all my sexual desire. I feel sad that I will die
At moment, passion to have *** with a man become so intense that I wish do some adventure. But again I think about my loving family and again suppress by verve. It is pathetic!
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 11:04 AM|
Hi Panpipe69... I wanted to say something about your last question. You know what, as there are nothing like ultimate good or bad person in this world and everyone is at there own share of grey, there is nothing like pure gay or pure straight either. Gay and straight are just the two extreme ends of the wide spectrum of sexuality and we are actually at some place between them. There can be numerous number of combinations of which gender you identify yourself as, which gender(s) attract you sexually and which gender(s) attract you romantically. And it's completely normal.
Today morning, I saw a great poster on insta. It said something like this :
You can be gay and still fall for someone of opposite gender. That's okay.
You can be straight and still fall for someone of same gender. That's okay.
You can be pansexual and still not find anyone around you attractive. That's okay.
You can be asexual and still feel sexual attraction towards someone. That's okay.
You are unique. So be yourself and take pride in being you.
So that is exactly what I'm trying to say you. There is nothing like 100% gay or straight out bisexual.
May be you are mostly gay, but still feel something about women too. And that's okay.
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 11:52 AM|
Hi Manpurushparas, sir I can only imagine how immense your agony is. I can't even feel that without being in your shoes.
Though I'm feeling very sorry and ashamed to say this, but even until back a week or so, I also used to think about gay people of your generation using gay dating apps as perverts. But then something happened.
I'm recently coming out to my known people one by one. So last week, I decided to come out to someone who is not a relative, but has great influence on my parents. I knew that she's logical and progressive, so I hoped that she'll accept me and may be she can help me while coming out to my parents.
But when I came out to her, she started crying. And then she told me that she's really happy about the courage that our generation is showing to come out and live our lives. She came out to me as a closeted lesbian and described his she had to suppress all her feelings and get married to a man and his she had to pretend to be happy for 35 long years till now until she finally could tell someone thinking that I can understand her and keep her secret.
I was taken aback by the confession. I didn't know what to say. Just like I told about my homophobic friend in my previous comment, my conceptions were shaken too. But all I could understand was that the courage that our generation is showing, is because we have understanding and supportive seniors from your generation who make us feel that it's okay.
I really don't know what I should say you. I don't know what I would have done if I were at your place. But I feel for you guys. And I salute you for all the sacrifices that you had to make. I think, that took and is still taking much more courage than what we are showing under your shadows while coming out...
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 12:00 PM|
if we r bisexual , then we r lucky and safe.. coz to be honest. i haven nothing against totaly 'Gays' or for that matter 'lesbians'. but surely somewhere down the line. being totaly gay or lesbian i feel something wrong in the wires in our mind. when i say wrong, i dont mean that person is harmful, i mean something is not right/ sync with nature which makes one totaally not interesed in opposte ***, either physically or emotionally.
Just imagine, if all the people in this world were pure gays or lesbians, woud u and me be here even discussing? our existence itsels is based on fact that people were hetro....
and reg soulrmates. ha ha . i persnally feel there is nothing called soul mate. its justa bookish term.. i truely believe, we humans simple cannot stay or stick to one person for life time.. be it *** or emotions, we always look for change.. change is the only constant thing friends... doesnot mean we dont like our present partners etc.. but its just that mind/heart always look for change.. its another thing that due to the so called pressure by society, we ofteen suppress our desires.... but i always believe.. we are free souls :)
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 12:09 PM|
@panpipe, Your question reminded me about the TV series Will & Grace. Will 'tries' to sleep with Grace (and another girl) just to confirm whether there is any strain of straightness in him. But then he is quite young at that time.
I haven't ever had any attraction towards women.
But off late I fantasize being a woman (I believe I am a woman trapped in a male body) who is forced to have *** with another woman by her man.
So it is wide spectrum.
|Posted On May 4, 2019 - 01:17 PM|
Acceptance was never a problem for me. I realized it long that men attract me. Now I am at such a junction of life where I feel that coming out of the closest is not going to work as it will not return me my precious time of youth when I could have enjoyed passionate love if I had a partner. On the contrary, i will lose my lovely family support and which I will be needing more in future. But the intense desire of physical touch is driving me mad.
|Posted On May 7, 2019 - 10:18 AM|
Just wanted to check if any in this group are with partners? Surprising that there are so many people in OHMOJO and yet none are in a long term relationship. Or maybe the ones in a relationship are not on OHMOJO.
I may be the odd man out in that case. But I would like to share my story anyway. It might work as an inspiration for some or I might receive a lot of hate replies for this.
I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 25 years. The initial 10-12 years of our relationship was monogamous but after we nearly ended the relationship because of my move to the US, things have changed. I started meeting other men while i was in the US and the habit continued when i returned back. Initially it was only when I was traveling or my partner was out of the city and then gradually it became encounters even when he was around. The encounters were only very superficial with no penetrative *** and no emotional attachment. Because of the 15 years age difference, his requirement for *** was less frequent than mine and so to some extent he accepted it when he came to know that I was seeing other guys. When things got too addictive for me being on grindr and planet romeo, he gave up on me and decided to open up the relationship. Our love for each other has not diminished. We still love and respect each other a lot and are genuinely happy together. We are out to our families and we live together in the same house as a couple and have a decent life together. Now that he is retired, he has been traveling more often which is difficult for me.
Its a totally different feeling to be able to cuddle to your partner in bed every night and morning. *** is generally once or twice a week but the constant hugging and kissing is good enough. At some point his constant understanding brought about a change in me and I decided to get away from furtive ***. I have again tried to be monogamous and have managed for nearly 5 months. Hoping it continues. Temptations are still there whenever i see a good looking man but I control.
Luckily OHMOJO is not much of a dating portal and so I am here only for the discussions.
|Posted On May 9, 2019 - 11:34 AM|
True love is different would by its own.. finding it is become very hard .. scene most of the people wanna go for *** ,..let me tell u guys my story
I m 20 yr boy..have quite normal background and decent looks.. after talking with loots of people i meet only 3-5 of them but after lil while i started liking someone , ..and he expressed that sm feeling about me..so we keep going ..and started love him more and more...
Tn one day we committed each other that we won't met anyone else ..i love him from the bottom of my heart..i made some sacrifices which i don't wanna disclose...but moreover things going fine..but just for few months ..
After some time i discovered he is cheating me..by trying to meet outhers..but i kept mumm , didn't tell anyone anything about it, but i always try hardly kept my promise .. since that day till now didn't meet anyone else ..but i always want him to tell me about his feelings if he want to go and meet someone he can tell me..but he didn't..and he always have that choice to leaves me and meet someone else cz i don't like him to meet someone when he has relation wd me ..he didn't do..it he kept a Musk on his face ...and seduced me to love him and actually he was a nice guy ..with kind heart and friendly nature..but what about the promise..
A promise should be that what u can keep . Isn't it??
And why should a good relation have to loose in front of physical needs??
What u guys think ..do let me know..need help
By the way ...I m 22 yr old .. studying ..and he is 33yr old doing job ..
He looks good with good physic and friendly nature..
Ur thought might help me so plz ..help me with ur greatful thought..
Tnq very much for reading..
|Posted On May 9, 2019 - 11:44 AM|
@Sbiswas61 - I'm really sorry for what happened to you hon. It's heart wrenching and I can understand what you must've gone through.
I had pretty much a similar relationship with my bf in college, I did everything for him, I wanted to be his and him to be mine. I started crossdressing because he liked it, I stopped seeing anybody else. Finally was heartbroken when I realized he was cheating on me and all he cared about was physical. But I moved on slowly and realized I should have the best of life while I still have it. I hope someday you mend your pain and move on.
|Posted On May 9, 2019 - 11:51 AM|
Sbiswas61@ If you want to be happy in a relationship with someone, you would need to accept the fact that men will be men and seek *** with others as well. Most men prefer variety. So keep the physical part of the *** act separate from the emotional attachment to your partner. Enjoy the *** with him and the emotional attachment but dont let his *** with others affect you too much, as long he also is emotionally attached to you. But a strict advise is to be safe while having *** and do not compromise on that. With my partner I am not practicing safe *** as we are only enjoying with each other. And we have tested and are negative. Age difference is also a big factor. The younger guy is usually more attached to the older one as in my case. But after a certain age like say 50 years, the older one starts getting more attached to the younger as they feel the insecurity.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 02:32 AM|
@sbiswas I won't be defending any sort of cheating but I will try to explain as well differently. As I'm 32 now and gay. I have been in relationships twice past 10 years.
Guys, we need to be friend with each other first. Young guys love very innocently but they most of time not clear about taking decisions. Whereas elder once are hard to love. By 30, you need more than 2-3 hrs of physical. At my age, I feel insecure and lonely.
So it's better to spend time with each other, know each others dreams, one must feel to talk to his partner about anything in mind. In my 20s I had relation with 19yr young guy. He never took stand for himself. Though he has anger n family issue but i was the punch bag for him.
In late 20s, again I was in relation. I asked him to have fun outside. As i know it's need of body and we were in long distance relationship, but same time tell ppl tht u r engaged with someone. I meet ppl. Ppl like me coz they feel me safe but now I feel insecure after thinking if he will stay?
We need communication, families, friends, career development, interests, travel. Coz we should think of 2hrs *** as part of relation but at same time we must think of remaining 22hrs of belongingness.
Recently a guy asked me to meet his parents, n next day disappeared. I don't know what make you stay. Many of us enter the relations with *conditions apply. Love someone so hard that he left me is the only option available.
Indeed I breakup were painful but at same time one must feel content to see him going on his path.
Ppl talk about commitment a lot. To me commitment is not a base of relation, it's a final coating on your relationship.. It has to come Invoulteerily.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 02:37 AM|
Yes. Ppl do have bad habits.. But love can out grow anything. We need patience. Just see the efforts and don't take advantage or don't let anyone take advantage of your loving nature.
I feel emotionally strong after breakup. But at same time there was economic loss. Feeling of being used by someone hurted n haunted me for very long time.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 02:39 AM|
Btw, two years back I came out to my college friends.. They were amazed to see me gay. All of them knew my ex as well coz I always made him as part of social life. Though they don't know him as my bf at tht time. But now they can remember the connection between me n my ex.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 07:10 AM|
Many of the guys only want ***...they don't care about the feeling of other person...as a bot I always feel like being used..the top guys don't have feelings...they just want to fulfill their hunger.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 07:22 AM|
Well in today era the love is almost gone. People hardly ready to commit and wants to be in relationship. People love open relationship and don't mind *** anyone being in relationships. It sucks. No one believes in monogamous relationship like our parents. Too many options available , hence break up are easy. Even couple are online who bloody make out with others. Love is all about finding someone who is nice from inside out. If you bloody wants a boyfriend who need to be charming , great *** size. Then you can never love anyone. *** is nothing but a game of sperm splash out. Life is beyond ***. And hardly anyone is loyal these days. I wonder why the *** people being in relationships look for friends online ? Knowing that your bf is enough to fulfil that space too. Today only people love to focus on looks. If you are smart , anyone will become your bf in 10 seconds for a year. But if you ain't worth it. No one gonna love , they can bloody sleep with you. But won't love. All are *** liars too.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 07:25 AM|
@Oni17 don't blame tops, bottoms like me want to be used. Being *** by selfish tops who are only concerned with their own pleaaure is how some of us get off.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 07:40 AM|
@billpotts, it's true bottom like me who love to get banged, *** or even seduced by top, I love the pleasure when top mount you, Even I had fallen in love, but nothing survived , it's just as a bottom we fall in love, but when we come across some hunk, even we slip, so can't top or bottom for breakage, it's the way a gay life is
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 10:43 AM|
T here are different sorts of bottoms. Some like it soft. Some like it hard. I myself love a pair of strong arms bending me over. But it might be different for others.
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 01:55 PM|
Thank you guys for all of the value feedback... I apriceat them..
After my previous post i got lots of massage from u guys.. for a cng of things,..or lil bit of fresh air kind of stuff.. and also lot's of good people massaged me to meet ..but .. sorry for my inability to meet..
Hence me and my partner are still in that relation i can't/don't wanna meet outhers people.... sorry i m rude ..but i don't want to cheat him..
And if my partner still have his profile ..here (he might cng his profile name) and reading my post..i want u to listen me once....
"babu....i love u very much..more than i do to anyone else (except ma,baba) and i know u know that also.. but .. I don't know why i can't tolerate that u meet others...when u planned smbody to meet,or talk with others..that what gonna happen between u guys.or how eagerly u waiting for the meet , discuss about what the things u wanna do with him .. etc.. it's hurts me... it's gives me such pain that I can't express ..but i f see me like that u might feel that. But it's like ..some things really really cold got inside my body and i can't feel my body , is like the middle portion inside my chest got empty..like i have nothing inside "..
So i request u plz ..come back inside me...fill me with ur love .and plz try to stop going with others.. .
One thing more if u feel guilty about anything don't worry i promise u if u come to me and tell me 'now i am only ur'..that will be enough for me.my heart is open for u..
|Posted On May 10, 2019 - 02:02 PM|
One short note for those beautiful people who have a relationship like this. .
If you guys doing any such things like cheating ur partner or broke ur comments . please stop doing that , don't break their believe like glass.. you might think that it won't affect anybody but you are kind of wrong because you don't know how much painful it would be for your partner.. so if you love them a little bit ,care them ,don't wanna hurt them stop doing that..
|Posted On May 11, 2019 - 09:07 AM|
i glanced through this post and couldn't stop myself from posting a comment here.
I am simple, average looking guy who was born and brought up in a village in Tamilnadu. I knew I was gay in my early teenage. I guessed either i looked cute or something, that attracted many guys in my school days (btw, am 28 years old now). Few guys tried to kiss me and do stuff and i allowed them. I was never attracted to girls, it was always the damn guys.
I was a very reserved introvert type of guy and i never lived away from my parents. So I never wanted to come to Chennai, which is 100s of km away from my hometown. Ever since I knew I was attracted to guys, I always wanted someone special, though the hormones wanted to play a different game. I had to come to Chennai for job. The only thing that consoled me was, "Chennai is a big city. I can meet lot of guys, have fun and I have more chances of finding 'the one' here". But fate had planned a whole different thing for me. Though I was sexually active, I never allowed anyone for *** *** as i thought that is something which needs to be done with the trusted, special one. But there was this guy who chatted with me for about two months and one night we decided to meet and have some fun. But that *** monster brutally *** me. He didn't mind me crying, shouting in pain for an hour. He increased the TV volume, so no one can hear me. Once he was done, I couldn't even lift my fingers. There I was lying naked on the floor, covered in my own tears. He smirked and opened the door and left.
After a big struggle, I stood up, closed the door and found my new mobile was missing. Though it's irrelevant to what i am saying here, i am from a very poor family. So nything we have to buy, we need to save money for months. That mobile I bought was from the savings of many months. So there I was, ***, humiliated, fooled, cheated and helpless. I cried for many days because i couldn't walk properly due to pain and I felt like something precious was stolen from me, i don't mean the mobile here. After that, it was a chain of events with many bad ppl and few good ppl. I had to learn everything the hard way.
I tried to date a few guys, but everything is about looks here. Have you ever seen a matured gay couple( above 35) in India? I have been in gay sites like PR for about 10 years and i never came cross a single matured couple. The one who says they believe in relationship is mostly in search of a hot and handsome boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with it. Everyone has their own expectations but if your partner search only depends on about the looks and looking cute together, like some fairytale, you will never be happy with one person.
I know we all want the lovey-dovey relationship, holding hand while walking, drenching in rain together, watching the sunset/sunrise together, etc. like the 'clean couple' from commercials. But life doesn't work that way for most of us. For me, it's mostly about compatible and comfortable than the romantic phase (which is subject to fade away in all relationships).
So here i am, siting alone in my room, writing all these in a hot summer noon, hoping someone would read it and understand me enough to initiate a conversation, which may or may not lead to something good, which i have not gotten in the past 10 years or so. uh oh! my washing machine beeps. Gotta dry cloths. What else can a 28 year old single 'real' gay in India gotta do?
|Posted On May 11, 2019 - 09:15 AM|
@mr_lonely ... Well written post. Extremely sorry to hear about your assault. No one should have to go through that. It's heartbreaking. Hope you find whatever you are looking for. Good luck
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