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Relationship with a married man. Acceptable or not

Submitted by AlwaysLusty09 Location: All India (All India, India)

Have you ever been in a relationship with a married guy? A friend of mine from the community is in relationship with a bloke almost 10 years older than him. He says that married men always attract him for following reasons: they're experienced lovers, you can have a mature conversation with them about finances to politics to dirty talks, etc.

He says that both are aware of no future as his bf is married, but they still enjoy the most of it. Though he often feels like being an extra burden on someone else's life.

When he told me all of that, Ohmojo came to my mind for seeking multiple views. What you guys think about this form of relationship?

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Displaying 1 to 50 of 93 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 07:03 AM

In India, most of gay's are married sure to family pressure or society implications
That doesn't mean their inner feeling for same *** takes a back seat
As they grow this feeling or lust comes out
But due to limitations
Married gay's feel safe to be in relationship with another as there is no commitment
It's safe and they know that the other person cannot harm
As they travel in the same boat

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 08:09 AM

I'm from a Western society, so I see in India the same situation as in Australia forty or fifty years ago, except the cultural push for procreation is so much stronger.

I could no more have a relationship with a guy in a straight marriage than one in a gay marriage. Once you commit, that should be a trust thing for your partner.

It took me three years to disengage from a partner of 23 years as the relationship broke down, but I remained celibate for that time out of respect for that person.

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 10:40 AM


Its not a just matter of trust there are other issues too. if 1 can carry friendship with gay man / bi man its ok. but not i am saying friendship not relationship. so that both can be happy at hour of need. little fun with friends are always ok rather u r commited or not.

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 11:06 AM

It's perfectly okay... First there are no string attached. If you meet somewhere without plan you with family he with family you ignore or if talk so professionally. Then trust factor as he is also concern for his privacy and identity. I am still in relationship with two married men. They are happy married men. I went out on trip with them as professional and also spent nights when theirs wives not in home. As soon we land india Or same city we part our ways.. With one man I am like his permanent mistress and work with him too so it's like fun loving thing.. So it's perfectly ok

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 12:12 PM

Married men cant have relationship or maintain it. Family becomes a priority, work, social status and lot of other things. The other partner who is trying to have a relationship with a married man will expect his company when he needs it, would love to spent time often and lot more. A married man MAY NOT be able to give all these - unless his life style is different. To me, i can never maintain a relationship becz relationship should be both ways - i should be available when the other person needs me. It cannot be like "my wife is not around - you can come now" "she is coming tomorrow - just stop calling me". In spite of these complications if two people are able to have a relationship, then i guess the married man is lucky (provided he does not feel guilty - guilt can put a lot of stress)

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 06:09 PM

Sometime men come across gay desires later in life,probably not understood earlier.I think there is nothing wrong in married men spending time together,or with an unmarried partner,sure he understands the limitations.this is a different world,full of passion and married men also have a right to enjoy.Secrecy remains to be maintained as high priority at all times.

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 06:17 PM

Most comments are supporting relationship with married man
But have you thought this that what that women have done wrong that her husband is cheating on her.
Isn't it wrong to cheat on wife? And if you are supporting him, you are helping him to cheat her.
I personally would never have any kind of relationship with married man.
Yes if he is divorced then I'll be proud that he left the relationship in which he is not liking.
Also think this way. That if he is cheating his wife, why wouldn't he cheat on you!

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Posted On Feb 28, 2020 - 06:48 PM

@yash8795 I think the point of cheating should not be raised coz in that case more than half the population of Indian gay men will be called cheaters. Relationship is not a criteria for cheating, a simple hookup over an app is also falls under cheating.

Why such bias? Only towards people in relationship with married men. Call everyone a cheater then.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 12:58 AM

Here in india, married men or their lovers cannot be blamed/looked down upon , till gay marriage is legalized(or untill indian women start *** *** ๐Ÿ˜Š
Or untill... Add up more here plz..)

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Unimate *
Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 02:15 AM

Most g(a)uys get married out of societal pressures and also out of fear of procrastination. Despite abrogation of Art 377, it's stil not easy to get legally married between two men. On one side, married men are just looking for alternatives to have *** with. Sorry to say but they just need to vent of their steam with some physical person and that's where they start to look for men as it's easier choice for the same gender. If they really had gay feelings they should have not married and stayed single but if they are committed to another person, they should stay faithful to them.

Its never easy for married men to stay in relationship or otherwise, we all know why and thats what happened with me as well. May be a touch and go is fine, but staying committed is not at all possible. It wil not just work. Atleast that's my experience.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 03:11 AM

Everything is so complicated , is not so pain and simple, and we people make it even more complicated. Cheers!!

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 03:36 AM

Usually married men are emotionally connected only to their wife and children. If they want a guy that is for their vent side. They won't reciprocate the same quality and intensity of the guy coming to him. This is the most usual fact.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 04:25 AM

I completely agree with friendnnd. Though married guy as a friend and partner is safe and stable, of the other guy is single, it can be an issue for him as married men can't give enough time to the bonding and relationship.. Say for a lunch or dinner, a movie or a stroll.. These little things are also important for bonding.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 05:25 AM

Accept it that married men have more experience in *** and they sure know how to seduce someone.
Married men can give you more pleasure than an unmarried guy...

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 06:01 AM

Me married and having many sincere lovely friends both married and unmarried.

Enjoying with all of my close friends seperately with love and care.

If you feel it is a feeling apart from your family, then it is enjoyable with love.

Family life is different and this type of feeling is different. We should club both.

Enjoy your lovely male friends as you like. Love your family with your children. Both are different.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 07:24 AM

In India, it's always about *** not relationship.

Also a married guy is committed to his family so getting into relationship is not his cup of tea.... He can be nice and caring and rarely get sometime to spend with his guy so during that period he will prefer only *** not movies/dinners/travelling/etc...

Ethically it's not right for a married man or woman to have extra marital affair after they are married but more than 50% of couples does have extra marital affairs.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 08:34 AM

Relationship? Why will a married guy who wants to continue his marriage form a relation with you. Why would you want to share your love with someone else

*** partner? Well yes they are experienced, no drama, just *** and leave and come back. No money, job, food expectations. Would.love to have them in ***

Friends? Yeah why not. I am.sure many have married collegues or friends. Why not a new friendship with a new married guy if he is really worth it.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 10:14 AM

Yeah, let your wives do the same and see how you feel about it.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 10:26 AM

Noone likes a cheating partner. But why we have to worry. Let the married guy worry about his ethics. We dont know him or his family. Lets remember that we are all adults. May be he is looking out as he dont have a happy marriage. If u have a problem sleeping with married or commited (even gays in relationship) then dont meet them.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 01:45 PM

Extra marital affairs are the most common and ever increasing in numbers, it happens a lot more than we can ever imagine. Look at Tinder and other dating apps it's full of married people looking for some extra spice in their relationship. A lot of newspaper columns on crime are around married man or a woman trying to kill each other in connivance with their lover.

There are a lot of reasons why this happens some of them are -
* We are the only animal species which practice monogamy none of the the other species practice this and probably nature has not tuned our bodies for monogamy.
* If both the couples are working they spend a lot more time at work even odd hours and with their colleagues and such attractions lead to extra marital affairs (mostly IT)

To the topic of married gay men -
* Married men in India are probably victims of the society they succumbed to the social pressures and got married. Now they probably lead a dual life, one for themselves and the other for the society.
* Married men will only seek short term flings no emotional attachments, if that's ok then all good but to emotionally invest in a married man will be stupidity.
* Interestingly in a country like India the *** after grown up children goes out of the window for women(or the society expects women to repress their sexuality after 40) A lot of married men in this stage who are still seeking active *** turn to other men for sexual needs. Coz no younger girl will be attracted to them and going to a call girl costs money and is dangerous. A lot of bisexuals emerge.
* Is Extra Marital Affair for both st8 or gay wrong - Personally I think it is wrong(more for st8 people) as gay men are trapped in sham marriages they did not choose. I also think there are 2 aspects of a extra marital affair the sexual and the emotional aspect, if is only seeking *** with no emotions it wont kill the marriage but if someone is indulging in extramarital affair both sexually and emotionally it will destroy

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 03:22 PM

It is absolutely fine for a married guy to have gay relationship with a guy. Family is one side and gay relationship is another. THough i have not had a relationship with male i have been into it ever before my marriage and am successfully enjoying both sides.

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 04:09 PM

I disagree that married men are more sexually experienced; quite often they are the ones that need training up in bed. Just because they are married does not mean they have more ***, or an extensive repertoire or are sexually experienced. Falling into the 'marriage rut' (so to speak) often means boring predictable quick ***! And some married guys have *** only as many times as they have kids. And only when the lights are off!

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 04:46 PM

Until you are in the safe bracket, until you don't get into guilt *** of ruining someone's life, until your partner who is married is still ready to have *** with you, it is all fine... Just enjoy life as it happens.
If you are married, want to cheat on your wife and have fun, do it until you are sure that you can hide it and not hurt her life by getting caught. Do it guys.. don't bloody worry and waste time worrying what if that happens, what if this happens... We really don't know whether there is a second birth!

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Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 06:09 PM

a married guy who is bisexual by nature and is having fun with male friend,I feel there is nothing wrong,however it has to be a secret in India

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sandynaveen *
Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 07:38 PM

If both guys are married, its pretty ok. That too they should know their commitments and limits

Im single.
A married guy dragged me to relationship. He patiently convinced me to it.
V both are really hunting guys and enjoyed for first 3 months

Later trouble started. He completely lost physical intrest in me. But v kept hunting outside. But i got a strong feeling for him and wanted him n my bed too . He s never ready to touch me. Bht always showed a grear care on me. He helped me financially too. Refereed me for getting personal loan
He has taken me lot outing. Since he s well settled, its not a big deal for him. But for me its little costlier as i hav not settled properly

After big fights v broke up. His words hurted me & killed me
He said i forced for physical fun
He has his family and he feared that i would trouble his married life
I have used him.

Rather i feel he used my complete emotions.

His words killed me

If ur not married (Single) , never get committed to married guy

Right or wrong, i have forgot my past & living happily as Single now

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sandynaveen *
Posted On Feb 29, 2020 - 07:58 PM

Sorry as my question will hurt most mens

Im bttm

Lets assume that 2 married guys are in closed relationship.
They have wife & kids. If their partner/wife have extra marital affair, will they accept it.

Wife or partner, everyone have feelings right.

Wen i got committed to married men, felt i interfere in other's life. That guilty feel never left me. Thank god all over & ended well.

Never betray or cheat anyone in name of relationship

Be loyal to single committment

This is my view
Meant not to hurt anyone

Watch below movie which potrays well all feeling


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fifty *
Posted On Mar 1, 2020 - 03:12 AM

I guess the question in the header is meant for gay single guys who are into a 'relationship' with married guys. Does it hold any future for them?
Will their status be somewhat like a keep? (may be not as much financially, but otherwise)

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Posted On Mar 1, 2020 - 04:13 AM

I feel Relationship with married or single men is just a I CHOICE,, once someone choose, nothing can stop,,unless you have confidence,in you and in your choice.
In reality every one gets into crush at one point or other,, and within ones limits, It is taken forward as friendship or relationship,, (married or single )
Today everyone wants their SPACE, whether husband or wife, or a single men or women,
After all we have only one life , let's us live it to the fullest as possible, with out hurting one another, or playing with emotions. In my words " Open mindedness is the key to a successful relationship" Whether in short, or long-term. In fact both married or single are equally effected.
I hope I am not hurting anyone's emotion here if so please excuse me.

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Posted On Mar 1, 2020 - 06:09 AM

Good topic..
I have been in a relationship with a person for more than a decade now. When we met, he was married and blessed with a kid of 9 years. I was single. We met in PR..it was G4m then.. he got acquainted.. but until I met him in person, I wasn't even planning for a relationship but the moment I saw him.. I fell in love with him.. he was my dream man in every aspect.

The initial few years were full of romance but later the trouble started as he was giving more importance to his family and I felt discontented.. lots of fights, painful nights. Crying etc wherein end of the day we always patch up.. now am married too.. blessed with a kid..

Our relationship still continues. I like him the same way I loved him on Day 1..

His family knows me well.. as a friend. We go to cinemas etc with our family members.. we are family friends now.. however we still love ourselves. Even if we get 5 mins of our time.. we make romance.. moreover he gives more importance to me even today

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Posted On Mar 1, 2020 - 07:25 AM

@marriedbi you are one hell off a lucky guy I think. Good luck to you ๐Ÿ‘

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Posted On Mar 1, 2020 - 10:18 AM

Well honestly I wouldn't mind getting into a relationship 10 or 15 years elder to me who is married. It's true upto some extent that married guys are experience and mature..

A married person should be able to balance his family life and his secret life.
But rare to find a person who is genuine, and have a good heart, Who keeps the sanctity of a relationship, who is interested in long term relationship and willing to give time to his partner.

Someone has written that one guy is in relahstionsp since last 10 years. He is lucky that he found someone like him.
I wish I could find someone like him too.

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Posted On Mar 1, 2020 - 11:46 AM

@ peachypie
Yesu r correct. The partner need to know how to balance both the life. Fortunately my man is an expert in expert in this .
Thank u for calling me lucky but the road to success was not only Rose's but throns too..I have faced so many situations painful wherein by end of the day its worthy

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Posted On Mar 2, 2020 - 04:09 AM

I have my friendahip and love with a man before our marriage 16 years back. Me and him are still fond of each other to have romance for an hour weekly.
We both married now and leading our family lives happily.
Whenever possible we meet in person and enjoy our time.
He is so passionate to eat my each body part with love and care. I admire his intimacy all along till now. Hope we will continue even our 60s.
I feel blessed to have him. Though he mostly stays in US or UK

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Posted On Mar 2, 2020 - 04:31 AM

As today's life style in married life both need little space for own..If both r married man than both can able to understand limitations of married life or their second m2m life.. In this life I think understanding in both partners gives u much happiness in married or our this life...

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Posted On Mar 2, 2020 - 10:18 AM

Iโ€™m married so already in a relationship and not interested in another relationship. All Iโ€™m here foris *** and with a guy itโ€™s a different type of ***, no emotions, just some dirty fun.

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Posted On Mar 2, 2020 - 01:54 PM

It's a choice. Certain things are not working in our married or bachelor life, so we're like a situational prisoners. So don't be judgemental. Live your life, I mean your life. Don't confuse yourself by overthinking.

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Posted On Mar 2, 2020 - 05:39 PM

many married men like *** fun sometime more than vaginal...,also *** of a man is stronger, many wives dont *** and dont allow ***...

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Posted On Mar 3, 2020 - 01:52 AM

Ya this is.... As age grows may b female stops *** Or ***.... And these men like it a lot...

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Posted On Mar 4, 2020 - 03:50 AM

@gaylove2013 you are right. Many housewife's don't allow *** ***. And as the age grows *** takes a backseat.
*** of a man is stronger, and *** *** is a pleasure for those who really know the art of lovemaking.

@mitha bottom. Don't rush for it. Find someone who Cherishes you. Random encounters will not help.

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Posted On Mar 4, 2020 - 05:55 AM

Man by nature is not meant to be sexually bound to one person. It is the modern post Victorian notions that require monogamy. As a married man, nothing wrong in cherishing an arse once a while.. One must completely n fully explore sexual appetite just like one would explore any other aspect of ur life. But don't be hypocritical. If u wanna have *** outside marriage, even your wife should be allowed to.

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Posted On Mar 4, 2020 - 07:08 AM

Skilledmate yes what you said is correct,
Am a married guy too from hyd I am top
Having a relationship with a guy after marriage is fun but in a safe and secure manner. I don't have a good partner till know just met some random guys ntg much happened hoping for the best.

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Posted On Mar 4, 2020 - 04:53 PM

@skilledmate ttoally agree with u.. "Man by nature is not meant to be sexually bound to one person" "But don't be hypocritical. If u wanna have *** outside marriage, even your wife should be allowed to."

fully agree to it.. as long as noone is directly harmed or forced. all shd be enjoye and let enjoy

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Posted On Mar 4, 2020 - 08:45 PM

Happy to post after a long time on a thread in which I have personal connect. (Old id: valentine84)

Though I haven't settled with any gay partner, both of my previous relationships were with married guys only. One of this was a married guy whom I met before my marriage and other was a married guy whom I met after my marriage. Having said that, firstly we don't actually decide on whom we fall in love. Love doesn't happen with a pre requisite condition. It happens on its own accord and grows if the feelings are mutual and endures over time.

So it depends on the "NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP".

FLING : If a married guy just uses you for a one night stand no point in calling it a relationship

DISCREET LOVER: This is a better one since a gay gay who gets married due to societal pressure and lives a double life. This could endure as long as the married guy strikes a balance between his marital life and his secret lover. But when it comes to priorities definitely a married guy would choose his family over his discreet lover. If you are ready to stomach in this fact, you can hold to such guy

PARENTHESIS : Hope many of remember the movie "Up in the air" Where George Clooney's casual relationship partner would refer him as a "parenthesis" from her real life when he discovers she us married woman with kids. In my opinion, walk out of a relationship where don't want to be a *** toy of someone's fantasy.

Well, I hope your friend needs to first analyse the nature of his relationship with his married friend and later decide.

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Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 04:58 AM

I also think we should not judge people. We don't know anyone else's life story. Whether it is a married guy who has gay casual relationship for satisfy sexual desires or a married gay guy who has a steady gay lover or anything in between is frankly no one else's business. In the end we each have to be at peace with our own decisions and sleep well at night.

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Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 09:40 AM

If their wife sleeps around with other men/women, let's see how many of these men will be okay with that...

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Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 10:06 AM

So true putine. Sadly the patriarchal rot exists in the LGBT community too...

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Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 10:29 AM

@putine, I agree. if the man is not ok with his wife sleeping around, he cannot do so either. hypocrisy cannot be tolerated.

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sandynaveen *
Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 12:39 PM

Yes. Exactly asked

Once married / committeed to other wife/men/women
How come a third person comes n name of G relationship

If the wife has same feelings of having with other men/ women?????

Relationship is always between 2 persons
If 3rd comes there is no true feelings in that

Its not like Bajirao Mastani
Still all remembes KashiBhai dialogues


A married man G relationship is
He s betraying his wife
He s cheating a guy too, Becoz he cannt be at time of needy
The guy is stealing / interfering someone's life

He can be a *** buddy
Never can a be heart sharers

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Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 02:39 PM

"He can be a *** buddy
Never can a be heart sharers"

atlast people accept the first line.. yes.. be whatever, we always need change.. that is the only truth with all of us... dont knw why we get into such emotions fuss.. i truely believe, love or lust can never be confined to one person.. though due to the concept of marriage and all , due to this so called society, we r kind of forced to stay so caled 'comitted', but our body or even feelings need change....

there is just one LIFE....!

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sandynaveen *
Posted On Mar 5, 2020 - 04:55 PM

100% i agreee

How many of us will assure
That v dont mind our spouse having out if marriage affair

She says becoz of family and religious pressure
She married
But still she have same feelings for her Ex and wanna continue same even after marriage

How many of us will really accept
As already v r in a discreet G relationship with a guy

Its not us justifying our act
The wife should b open to accept the outside affair

Previous comments: 1  2