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Are gay guys loner? #ComingOfAge


Submitted by AlwaysLusty09 Location: All India (All India, India)

I identify myself as a straight acting gay, just like Karan from Made in Heaven. I mean no direspect to fellow community members who are into cd or drag stuff; it's their life, their choice.

I am sort of a lone wolf; I sometimes go to watch movies alone, I like eating alone, I love to travel solo, even in my free times I prefer sitting alone and reading my books.

Is it just with me or LGBTQ community members, when they cross a certain age limit (say 25) become more mature, aware about their trueselves? Like living alone is better, having a limited circle of good friends instead of thousands is easy to maintain, alone time is always fun, etc.

What are you views on this? Maybe we can call it our Coming Of Age.

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Displaying 51 to 67 of 67 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

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Offline cruiser
Posted On Feb 16, 2020 - 09:50 PM

Its truth of the community.
M 26
N into the community (discrete) from 7 - 8 years. However n m still single and lonly.

Guys u meet either r *** seekers , or psychos , or fruads/ gold diggers.

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Doriangray666
Posted On Feb 19, 2020 - 08:14 AM

Me also leading the same way of life, going movies alone and all. I'm living alone in Bangalore.

I stayed in a shared accommodation with a gay friend of mine , finally he took my laptop which he previously did with many others taking there guitar, money and valuables. It's better be on ur own, be a lone wolf. No tension and full freedom.

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Unimate
Posted On Feb 19, 2020 - 08:21 AM

I am surprised how you could allow to give away or let the other person take away your stuff. Wouldn't you even protest or ask back? Better off without these swindlers anyways!!

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C4LEB
Posted On Feb 19, 2020 - 10:29 AM

Whilst I am gay, I am happily single and not a part of gay culture. My sexuality is not an active part of my life; I do like to relax with a mixed crowd.

I am a solo traveller. I prefer quiet spaces, intellectual conversation and a friendly chat, but I also enjoy my own company.

Don't conflate 'gay' and 'lonely'; or confuse 'alone' for 'lonely'.

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Akashsahoo
Posted On Feb 20, 2020 - 03:13 AM

It's true. It's hard to keep up the facade with straight friends. And even harder to trust the gay ones. Hence, alone it is. Also, apart from Mumbai, there isn't much of a community of LGBTQ people anywhere.

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Rahulkumarmumba
Posted On Feb 20, 2020 - 08:08 AM

Well said @C4LEB. Unless I'm able to enjoy my own company, I'll never be able to enjoy with the other. Enjoying my company implies proper self esteem and accepting myself as who I am. It may sound all philosophical but that's the truth of knowing myself.

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Coolbisu91
Posted On Feb 21, 2020 - 03:19 PM

I'm following this thread since beginning. Very relevant thread about the community. Wanted to write my view since long, but I was too busy to write it.
Let me start with my own experience with loneliness and solitude. I'm a loner since childhood. Being a guy who doesn't like to play games, I was not welcome in most of the boys group in my school as well as in my locality. I felt kinda neglected when I was very young, but gradually I started loving my solitude more than being with a bunch of bullies. This thing continued till class XII.
Things changed when I moved to college. I had an extraordinary group of extremely supportive friends with whom I could finally be myself. I entirely enjoyed the four years there to the fullest. And I understood the true joy about being around like minded people.
But after getting job, I had to move to an extremely isolated place and I was forced into loneliness again. Made peace with the situation again.
At present, I'm still living there. And I'm a so called "straight acting" yet NOT completely closeted gay man. After coming in terms with my sexuality, the first thing that I wanted for me, was to find a partner to spend my life with. I dated someone for a short while. But soon, the differences started hitting me hard and I started missing my solitude. So I broke up with him.
So as of now, I'm in kind of a confused state. Am acting like a loner. I'm doing everything alone - the way that I've been doing everything since my very childhood. But at the same time, I'm looking a soul mate. But this time, I've determined that I won't rush into things just because I'm lonely. Because I think solitude is way better than a stressed relationship.
I think this is a prevalent mentality in most of the guys irrespective of their sexuality. Most of the time, straight men get married just because that's how it's supposed to be and later, they can't break up because of the societal pressure, parental responsibilities etc. May be that's a good thing or may be that's bad - I won't go into that judgement.
But what I feel is that - gay guys are inherently loner - is not entirely a correct concept. Many times we pose (even to ourselves) loner because it's a better alternative. And many times straight guys are not because they can't. So I don't think there is any linkage between one being loner and their sexuality. These two are completely disjoint personality traits.

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Simple123
Posted On Feb 21, 2020 - 06:05 PM

@Coolbisu91, I fully agree with your comments, even I had gone thru same thing what you have mentioned, but once you learn to live your own company then you don't require anyone else.i don't know if that is the blessing or not.

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mayank_blr
Posted On Feb 22, 2020 - 07:44 AM

Even I am a loner. Most of us are. I tried meeting many people but 99.9% gays consist of idiots, gold diggers, *** maniacs, psychos or purely guys who want to use you for one thing or the other. I hardly found anyone who wants true friendship to begin with. Guys here just want *** or some favour if they meet. Not sure why but most gays dont see beyond *** or favour. That way I feel straight guys are better.
Though it is good to see many feel the way I do. How about a meetup of like minded guys?

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masterbot
Posted On Feb 22, 2020 - 08:02 AM

@mayank

Why don't you go to some community events? Even parties for that matter. If you have normal social skills who knows you may end up making a few friends. BQFF is a great opportunity to do so.

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Lucky1992
Posted On Feb 22, 2020 - 07:17 PM

Yes very true. I also feel the same. May be because of age and maturity it is so.

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punedude
Posted On Feb 23, 2020 - 06:23 AM

VERY LESS ON SOCIAL NETWORK IN THIS FIELD UNDERSTAND IMPORTANCE OF TRUE FEELINGS EMOTIONS. LUV CARING IS MOST WONDERFUL ASPECT OF LIFE.
BUT ON ALL SITES JUST BAD PEOPLE R THER WHCH CAN CREATE TROUBLE. SO ITS BETER TO AVOID THESE BAD AND B ALONE. DONT KNOW WHO CAN TAKE DISADVANTAGE OF YOU.

M ALSO ENJOYING ALONE B HAPY IN DAILY ROUTINE IN EVERY ASPECT. MEN CAN UNDERSTAND MEN MORE BUT SOMETIMES. MEN R LOKING FOR LUV CARE AND NOTHING ELSE.

WE ALL ALONE PEOPLE SHOULD COME TOGETHER WHO R LOOKING FR TRUE LUV CARE TO FORM GROUP ON WATS APP. MEET TALK DISCUSS SHARE CARE.
IT WIL BOOST OUR CONFIDENCE AND INCREASE OUR NETWORK.

LETS FORM GROUP WHO ALL R READY. LETS NAME IT HAPPILY ALONE.

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mayank_blr
Posted On Feb 23, 2020 - 01:12 PM

@masterbot Not sure what is BQFF. I have been in parties in bangalore but it is difficult to talk to strangers. May be I am not that open minded but I dont find much people mixing around in parties.

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Triz
Posted On Feb 23, 2020 - 03:36 PM

I'm a bit young but this thread really intrigues me. I am not a very outgoing person and prefer to spend time alone too. I guess it's just a preference irrespective of sexuality but we are probably more into it because it offers us some peace and quiet after our messy everyday life? Messy isn't exactly the right word but I hope you get what I'm trying to say >.<

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C4LEB
Posted On Feb 23, 2020 - 06:59 PM

There are a number of reasons expressed here, and each of them valid:
@rahulkumarmumba says it about "self esteem and accepting myself as who I am", which is very insightful.
@Coolbisu91 explained the pain of being different as a male growing up and making the choice to "gradually [start] loving my solitude more than being with a bunch of bullies". This to me is inner strength. Also, he hits the nail on the head, with "But this time, [I'm] determined that I won't rush into things just because I'm lonely. Because I think solitude is way better than a stressed relationship." This is the wisdom of experience.
@mayank_blr is perhaps a bit cynical with his declaration that "99.9% gays consist of idiots, gold diggers, *** maniacs, psychos or purely guys who want to use you for one thing or the other", but his dating experiences cannot be ignored: I think we've all come away from an experience with a frown and thinking "What just happened then?"
@Punedude warns us "TO AVOID THESE BAD AND B ALONE." Fair advice, but this describes caution, not an inherent loneliness.
@Triz observes the personal very succinctly: "I am not a very outgoing person and prefer to spend time alone too. I guess it's just a preference irrespective of sexuality".
@Coolbisu91 holds masculinity up to comparison and concludes against "there [being] is any linkage between one being loner and their sexuality."

Each of these thoughts, experiences and opinions are indeed "irrespective of sexuality", an alternative to being socially uncomfortable or being just plain self sufficient. Being gay may be the commonality, but how you deal with being alone is part of the human condition.


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masterbot
Posted On Feb 25, 2020 - 12:20 PM

@mayank it's the Bangalore Queer Film Festival .... Introduce yourself to atleast 1 person. Make 1 friend... It will get a lot easier....

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Omlette
Posted On Feb 26, 2020 - 10:16 PM

M in chennai... I believe who so ever become friends at young age will always by our side at any age. Later it become difficult to trust anyone.

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