Married bottom dilemma

I am a married bottom married for 4 years.

I have been doing bottom acts since college. And I thought I will leave being a bottom after marriage, but time and again every few months(3-4) I get a huge urge meet some top and give BJ. And I always do it.

But the after guilt is too strong, with things like I am cheating on my wife. And everytime I think, that this was the last time, and pray to god to pardon me just this last time. I delete my all accounts(ohmojo, planetromeo etc) and live happily until the urges start agian later.

How do other married bottoms come to cope with this? Have tou made peace with this that youwill be doing it forever or some other way ?

P.S: Got the guilt today as I met a top and had fun for 2 hours being a total ***. And when I left, bam! guilt starts.

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No Picture TurinTop *	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 First of all, you should stop feeling guilty. It’s your nature, praying God or doing the faithful hubby will not improve things. Since you live in a country where “you are kindly invited to get married “, simply do your best to accept yourself. You are not betraying your wife, you simply vent your need to bottom.
No Picture ChemburChubbyVB	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 I can relate but the guilt never goes away specially when your partner is sweet and a nice women.....the urges, the guilt never goes away...thanks for sharing this as I do the same uninstall stuff, feels *** about myself and the fear to even indulge in *** fun is so strong that it's been more than a decade I did not do it
No Picture Filthyman_	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 Im vers...been married for one year..and I too thought that ll stop the gay fun..but yeah..ive been *** so good by guys and have experienced there *** and whole gay ***. So it's was very difficult to not get attached to it again after marriage. .. So , I've made peace with it and I enjoy both aspects of life. I keeo both very separately and it's going well.you should make peace with it too..cause one think is for sure...the urge will never go .cause..it's that good with man.
No Picture Kumar_Aman *	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 Simple answer! "compartmentalise" live your life as you normally do... eat, breathe, have *** with your wife, yoga, meet friends, and so on and so forth..... Just Box It, this feeling of yours, ooen it in your qon time, discreetly and savour it and then put the lid back on, Do Not seek answers from.others, make your own solutions, time schedules to meet men outside marriage etc. Be Happy and content, Cheers
No Picture Norn *	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 Still not married and been thinking about it and had countless sleepless nights. Not having feelings for women and how am I suppose to have *** with my wife and how am I going to manage all that is a big question to this day. Please share us how you manage and go along this 🙏
No Picture Ruhanruhan	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 As a top I am play with daddies and do hard *** with them whenever I get chance.... I never feel guilt because I satisfy my wife and love to her...My wife is so sweet and honest and as a husband I stay honest and do all the duties of husband... My life is very beautiful...But I can't get rid of being a top till last breath that's for sure and I have accepted it....No guilt no pray to God for it... I just pray that God give me ability to adjust both the job...I am always thankful to god for giving me strong mind and strong relationships ... 25 year married life
No Picture hotbotpop	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 Same situation here. First of all why did God make us gay in the first place? Or atleast we should have been born in a place, where it is not a taboo in the society to be gay. At a bare minimum, we should have been born in a place where being not married is acceptable. Instead, we are born in a place where being gay is something to ridicule about and even not getting married and being single forever is not even acceptable. So just make peace with the fact that you are gay and you'll have these secret pleasures every now and then. These sexual urges will not go away until a certain age. Just make sure you have safe *** and take enough precautions so that you don't catch any std. And as others said, compartmentalize this and your regular life with your wife. That's the only way. I feel guilty too, not for having *** with guys, but because I'm unable to have passionate *** with my wife. She thinks she's probably not attractive and that makes me guilty as hell. @Norn - If you can somehow manage purple marriage, that would be better for you.
No Picture Nilofarsharma	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 I experienced same thing...this was started about 5 years ago *** with guys but today I m also married person but that's what not doing stop ...I think I m *** seeking person who want more and more *** with another person.....I felt I like shemale who *** me hard but It was my fantasy....I also like hard top who *** me very hard ...I also wear girls clothes but after satisfaction I feel very guilty.... because of my wife.....but what to do..... there's no satisfaction.......just happened and go on with time ....I think there is gay person who feel your feeling what going on rest are commenting anything
No Picture Silverkok	Posted On Apr 14, 2025 I'm one of your kinds and married for over thirty years. My children are grown ups two of them are married having kids. I'm the grandfather to two of their kids. My wife although now is no more interested in ...x but as long as we were young, she was happy being with me. Still I was missing a boyfriend until last year Feb., who must love me exactly like my husband does to me. And I found him. My life is full of excitement now. Really, he loves me just like my husband would have loved me if I were a woman. He's hslft the age of mine, but believe or not, in bed he treats me as I his young wife and I forget the world once I fall into his arms. What I wanted to advise is, get a partner for long-term so you get understand each other well. Start discussing with him every aspect of your life and he'll suggest you and pamper you when you feel like guilty. Just as my BF does. Going into new guy each time also is dangerous for yiu, your wife and kids if not done safe ...x. one or two partners including your wife is always safe.
No Picture Neerav	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Arranged marriages in India is a different ball game. You can't compare the loyalty standards coming from the western world because in the west, people get married only when they find out they're sexually, mentally, spiritually, socially compatible with each other and then they want to get into that bond. So cheating is looked down upon. In India, not getting married is not an option due to social challenges. It's even more challenging situation as you grow old as a single gay person. Sexual fantasies, compatibility are not even asked in arranged marriages. Even women are raised with so many restrictions that they may not feel comfortable during the sexual acts with their husbands. With all this, getting a good *** outside the marriage is not wrong if you're taking care of sexual health and wellbeing of your partner and fulfilling duties as a good husband, good son, good father. *** is a natural instinct just like hunger, thirst, it cannot be locked up in any formal bond such as marriage etc. Even so many heterosexual men do *** outside their marriage, take massages, go to Bangkok pattaya trips with their friends, because it's impossible to get sexually compatible partener to fulfill all your fantasies. If you'll go to fish, it can only swim with you. If you want to climb a tree, there's no point going to the fish. You can only swim with it. You must visit the monkey if tree climbing is your fantasy. It's as simple.
No Picture Haiiry_bottom	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Same here.
No Picture SUKMYNIPS	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Dont let guilt spoil something that you enjoy, as long as you arent hurting anyone. I had the same feelings as you when I got married, but I used to do the same things as you: every now and then i would meet tops and get used and ruined by them and the feel guilt. Now I just do it and tell myself that its okay to be who I am: a bisexual man. The wife is happy, the girfriend on the side is hapyy and so am I. :) My advice is to NOT stop doing it, just to do it regularly in a moderate manner and *** your wife, as well.
No Picture Midhun_bot	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 I'm a man with normal size tool but there is a woman within me; so can't satisfy a woman. Rather than cheating the would be wife, I decided not to marry and now leading a happy bottom's life! If you're a pure bottom and have a soft smooth body and feminine feelings like me within yourself- like say, urge to get *** by a gay top man and become his slave- then, it'll be safe not to marry a woman and spoil her life! In fact, some of my gaytop friends used to tell me to get married so they can enjoy both me and my wife at a time ;-)
No Picture GAPEWHORE	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 I can totally relate to you babe. but remember this, only special people are LGBTQ normal people will burst open if they see what we are going through.... just ***, buy large and quality penetrative toys like king *** and butt plugs and keep satisfying yourself till u are satisfied fully.... dont ever think we are wrong.... just push the guilt when it comes without giving in.... i myself has deleted grindr romeo ohmojo dirtycode fetlife all these multiple times... its the way we are destined to live so live it the orgasmic way.. spice it up with lingerie and whatever that can feed your lust.... take feminine supplements in secret and build ur curves..... keep going honey.... we are running the same journey here... never doubt
No Picture Jigs_love	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Going through this same exact thing.... PLEASE HELP ME TOO.... I am happily married and it is love marriage... I love my wife to the end of universe and back.... Sexually too I am attracted to her and also love to fantasy other hot women too.... Now apart from this I also get urges to *** a *** and enjoy with male every 3-4 months... I am not into *** but fantasize to be *** by a male..... I have *** one *** till date and post that it was so much guilt that I literally went into depression....I deleted all profiles (ohmojo, Romeo etc) after that... After few months I again made profile and met one male but this time it was just a kind of handjob and nothing else...but still got the guilt and I deleted profiles.... Again after few months I recreated all profiles and now same urges are happening... I try to meet people for fun but at the same time guilt strikes back and a fight takes place in my mind.... I am not attracted towards any male emotionally and not even feel that way.... Urges are pure sexual..... The thing is I fantasize both the incidents of my meeting and *** imagining that..... What should I do....???? Please help me 🥺
No Picture Dazzler	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Hi All, I'm a Side Guy, Like all people I'm also Attracted to Shemales and love having fun with them, I like to get ***, Jerked off and have good body intimacy with them. I also feel guilty as to why I always indulge in this activity, but these urges come up from time to time and then I get in to planning and having a Good time with the Right Shemale. I'm Married and have a Good SX Life with the Wife but she isn't into doing the things that I like as she gets grossed by them. Also, I have a higher drive then her. I have been getting these urges again and I'm only controlling them from making me make any stupid decisions that can be harmful.
No Picture Patricknorman	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 I have a bot friend. He used to be my teacher. He is 48 now. Can't satisfy his wife. Can't satisfy himself due to societal issues. I feel for him. I know his wife cheats but can't tell him. Ive tried helping him my way but obviously that's not enough
No Picture milfrider19 *	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Hey, I'm also married and top, I have been doing since my childhood. I have kept both live's separate, with my wife I keep it very simple and normal, we have regular *** and love making, same as I had met guys earlier a lot, not had *** with everyone only with few, but have received blowjobs a lot from guys. Currently looking for a bottom who can be my regular friend and *** buddy apart from my married life. I dont think I can stop this.
No Picture GAPEWHORE	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 guys lets face it.... we are sluts..... period...... why cry on it.... lets enjoy this colorful life that nature has given us.....
No Picture Guy27bi	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 Whatever others moral dilemma or sexuality might be, but my only request is always use protection, try meeting few people, don't hookup with strangers out of lust. Don t pass on any STD's to your partner.
No Picture mixpod	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 We can't restrict nature instincts, you shouldn't be feel guilty. You should accept yourself
No Picture Topi1985_	Posted On Apr 15, 2025 I'm BI Top i always liked boy *** I told this to my wife now we swing together we do couple swap we do group fun all in my experience if there is Love you can be open to your wife
No Picture sricbeguy	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 I too travel in the same path like many who commented here , we are lucky to have adorable wife , children and that builds the guilt , we need to be composed and what we do is not out of compulsion but an orientation we enjoy . Just need to take care of ourselves and keep our married life and members of our family happiest . No pain no gain . So no guilt . I have hosted group fun when spouse is on her vacation to her parents house .I meet guys only at my place never go out . In one way I have restricted myself on opportunity of space available with me . To reduce our temptations self imposed restrictions are the only choice and not to carry any guilt . If dare be then confess to wife and start cuckold session to erase the guilt of you carry and allow your spouse also to move around guilt free if your *** life with your spouse is not spiced or you feel of not satisfying her . *** Life with my wife almost ended after children were born . I did suggest her for *** outside me as I was not supporting her physical needs she bluntly refused to gonout as she is still devoted and never interested in extra pleasure from others . Understanding is the key . So guys have a happy and contended married life as companionship is very very important during the mid age till end . Keep your marriage intact .
No Picture sricbeguy	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 I have been married for 28 years
No Picture sricbeguy	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 My gay life started only after the advent of internet and dating apps . During early 90s it worked only through reference and nothing much worked unless you are gropped which happened at theatres showing b and c grade movies or at parks . So care for your wife and children with no inhibitions and enjoy swinging both ways . *** being an integral path of human relationship we are gifted to make use of it at the most . So enjoy. I have made family friends . Platonic relationships in gay life and never regretted . Never get into relationship or gay marriage which doesn't work for all . Be like a water on the lotus leaf . If you feel the safety and equilibrium of guys you meet then take to next level of friendship but not as a relationship.
No Picture oh_desi_guy	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 As a married bottom myself, I have stopped resisting these urges. There is no cure for the need for ***. Our needs are natural and there is nothing wives can do to satisfy them. Unlike top guys who just need some hole to *** (be it a man or a woman), bottoms need *** and only a man can provide that. So my advice is to be discreet and find one (or more) trusted partners to enjoy with. No point in being guilty and miserable while still going outside marriage. Now should bottoms marry is a much tougher question and honestly, from my own experience, its probably to avoid it if possible but in my case and many others, we succumbed to the pressure of being "normal" and got married. I definitely feel bad for wives of us gay bottoms but hopefully, we make them happy in all but a few aspects of their lives.
No Picture raju_patel	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 same here ...happily married since 1995... fully setisfied wife.. but its natural to have fantacy in life so i involved in this gay activities...
No Picture Gay4all	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 Why guilt. Just enjoy both lives .
Longwick	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 Well these days more guys are open and adopting different lifestyle options. I am top and working man. I meet people from different locations. I think people should enjoy who they are moreover they can tell things to their partner women love naughty talks with their trusted pal. So better try to be more open to them and enjoy hard ***.
No Picture RajuBeta	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 @longwick you are correct. I noticed mostly married people are active. After getting married they get more confident to meet other gay and more frequently.
No Picture Jjk1156	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 True , i think married bottoms can countinue their life depending on what they seem better .. enjoy safely thats all
No Picture junk	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 Should I tell her everything don't know. What if she also tried other men for sexual thing. Please help.
No Picture charlie367	Posted On Apr 16, 2025 Straight guys have urges to *** other women too , doesn’t mean them acting on it is correct. Being gay is no excuse , learn to take accountability of your actions and don’t cheat. Or tell your wife before she finds out from someone else you hooked up with.
No Picture sricbeguy	Posted On Apr 17, 2025 Dear id junk do not tell her about your orientation . Make a family and allow the family life to go on smoothly and concentrate on your business or career . Diversion is the best cure and allow some space for yourself. Never doubt a wife if she is going around with other guys . If you are doing and then don't find fault with her don't get carried away with western ideas . It is best to be discreet for certain issues like these . Over a period of time if you understand your wife and then you can approach in giving her freedom of seeking partners outside only if you are confirmed that your family break up doesn't happen. Otherwise shut your thoughts and lead a dual life quietly . Try watching Indian threesome *** mmf if bisexual during or after your intimate moments to know her choice . If she finds it awful rest assured you be quiet .if she shows interest then open up . Prepare her . But don't be selfish to urge her do anything or accept against her wishes or choice . Family is priority .family bonding is utmost important . Do not carry male chauvinism. Build a good family. Best wishes .
No Picture Sim2sam	Posted On Apr 17, 2025 I don't have any plans to get married. Offcourse parents are forcing me to get married but I'm giving excuses and enjoying single life.
No Picture Sahaisab	Posted On Apr 17, 2025 Though I never wanted to get married because of my orientation, a girl developed bi thing in me and I started *** with her. I enjoyed and thought of getting into both sexs. But my attraction towards med was always dominating my sexual thoughts. Time came when my family started forcing me to get married. I discussed this with one of my bi friend older and married. He suggested me that we can't go against our society, (m taking about mid Nineties) he convinced me to get married. He also said that if a straight man can have multiple partners and never disclose this to his family y can't we. We should do full justice to our family no compromise when it comes to choosing between meeting a guy and spending time with family. Family always first. Now m married for 27 years happy with my family. For 16-17 years after marriage I hooked up with very few people and that too when I m on official tour out of the city. Never met a person in my city. Now few years back I started meeting few old friends and got connected to two three good people through them. Kids are busy in their life wife is also busy with friends in social work and other stuffs. If m fetching some time for myself now a days I don't think it's injustice at all to my family. Key - KEEPING A BALANCE BETWEEN THE THE TWO LIFE.
No Picture Asimas	Posted On Apr 17, 2025 A top can marry & live happily most top *** bottom for easy relationship bottom is ready for anything & everything to make the relationship last. Also my personal experience is after I started as bottom my *** has diminished my *** also become fully watery I *** when *** I can never satisfy my girl so why ruin girl life top can marry have fun with bottom but bottom should not marry
No Picture Harry80	Posted On Apr 17, 2025 *** is natural. This whole phenomenon has nothing to do with you personally. The reason we suffer is that we create these conditionings so deeply in our minds that, as we grow from childhood to adulthood, we start to internalize them. Sometimes, people begin to rebel against these conditionings—against what society tells us. But *** should be taken naturally—we’ve been taking it far too seriously. Basically, it’s fun; it’s a good sport!
No Picture anand84	Posted On Apr 18, 2025 Nice thread
fifty	Posted On Apr 18, 2025 Liked the phrase = giving her freedom in one of the posts. Harry80, does what you wrote apply to women / wives or to only men? btw, marriage, speically monogamy is unnatural is not an un common argument , It is a feminist PoV too.
No Picture MatureMumbai	Posted On Apr 18, 2025 @Sahaisaab Very well written Yes Family first Also, why be frustrated with own self Prioritize yourself and have fun too Only There are some guys who look down on married men But that's thier thinking n problem Enjoy with like minded guys 👍👌👏👏👏
No Picture everydaygayguy	Posted On Apr 18, 2025 I agree with @oh-desi-guy
No Picture Hot_guy143	Posted On Apr 18, 2025 @choosne_wala what's wrong guys u are bottom accept it u also have some fantacies expectations if u r thinking that much u should not get married and should have think about this before marriage now enjoy ur life as well as keep ur partner happy *** tops ***
No Picture Vicky_411	Posted On Apr 18, 2025 You can do whatever you want because individual freedom is important. But when you get married, you make someone emotionally and practically dependent on you. We are free to do anything—as long as it doesn't negatively affect others. If you carry guilt, it will reflect in your body language and actions, which might hurt the other person unintentionally. So, don’t feel guilty, do whatever you want to do—everything will be okay
No Picture wolfie72	Posted On Apr 19, 2025 Ever considered making your wife feel more comfortable to explore more so she can also join you,then maybe youll have less guilt and she will also be fulfilled
No Picture Harry80	Posted On Apr 19, 2025 Don’t cling to something—when you do, it becomes bondage. Everyone should strive to be in the right state of mindfulness. Don’t point fingers or blame others just because you think you're right in your own way. Life flows through many courses, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt others or make false promises. Indulge and grow, expand and enjoy—because we have only one life."
No Picture thickchub	Posted On Apr 19, 2025 This thread got conflicting ideas. I'd say 4 years is a lot invested (by your wife). I do not support letting this side of you out to your wife in one go, as she might freak out. Instead, you should use "spicing up" as an excuse. Let me explain. You can converse and try convincing her that you want to try something new. Start with rimming; tell her that you want to experience how it feels to be rimmed, then ask her to do so, and then maybe try convincing her for slight *** penetration like fingering your bum once, but after she does it, act as if you hated it. Try making this a thing when you both have intercourse. She might think that you are beginning to like *** penetrations. Later, if you notice her being kind of accepting, take a step further and ask her to peg you with a dildo, maybe. This way you can slowly unveil yourself while she thinks you are developing a new kink.
fifty	Posted On Apr 20, 2025 Does wife also have a right to be fulfilled by exploring other men , with our without husband's presence? She also has natural urges. Women are conditioned to not express their sexual desires and fantasies. If they do, they are considered characterless. If she can enjoy the same freedom as her husband, both will be happy.
No Picture Harry80	Posted On Apr 20, 2025 we are born with freedom—we’re shaped by the rules of community, society, and its norms? Even u are under that pressure to be free, and sometimes, u transfer that pressure to your partner.
No Picture oh_desi_guy	Posted On Apr 20, 2025 I absolutely believe they have the same right to happiness as a bottom does. So if she seeks her satisfaction, bottom husbands should not hold it against her. But I am sure given the prevailing mentality, thats often not the case. And before all the bulls(bullshitters as I call them) message me, please dont waste your time and mine.
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