Are gay guys loner? #ComingOfAge

I identify myself as a straight acting gay, just like Karan from Made in Heaven. I mean no direspect to fellow community members who are into cd or drag stuff; it's their life, their choice.

I am sort of a lone wolf; I sometimes go to watch movies alone, I like eating alone, I love to travel solo, even in my free times I prefer sitting alone and reading my books.

Is it just with me or LGBTQ community members, when they cross a certain age limit (say 25) become more mature, aware about their trueselves? Like living alone is better, having a limited circle of good friends instead of thousands is easy to maintain, alone time is always fun, etc.

What are you views on this? Maybe we can call it our Coming Of Age.

Reply/Post a comment

Displaying 101 to 133 of 133 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  3
No Picture AlwaysLusty09	Posted On Jun 4, 2020 @Valentine I think biggest issue is coming out. A lot of people genuinely desire a relationship. But rarely it happens that two guy live together throughout the life as friends to the world. At some point, one or the other feels like coming out the lie and live normally. That is where the relationship faces death because the other person may not be interested in coming out. Not because he is ashamed of his partner but he is worried what people will think about him and his family.
No Picture C4LEB	Posted On Jun 4, 2020 I was with my last partner for 23 years. But I'm not Indian and it was in Australia - no full on family pressure. It can work, but not in secrecy.
No Picture Raghu_friendly	Posted On Jun 4, 2020 @valentines. As a 31 year guy who has been shy all these years and hiding my feelings within myself is suffocating. Additionally I am unable to coming out as well. Will be really happy to get a like minded guy else as u mentioned being single sounds good. Am a loner and confused as well - well, my post itself may be a proof to it
No Picture Oni17	Posted On Jun 4, 2020 all this is only because we all look for *** first, their are no talks apart from that. all of us , want guy only if we are *** , and rest of time we prefer to behave like st8 ones.
No Picture Nkv2020	Posted On Jun 4, 2020 @Oni17 truly said..because most of us are concerned with our privacy and we don't let our internal feeling come out..Though its legal in india but its still sin as per society. and it will take almost decades and decades to get used to with homosexuality.
No Picture tsamaranai	Posted On Jun 5, 2020 @Oni17 “we all” ? You sure about that? Speak for yourself please. Unless you have talked to all the gay people.
No Picture Valentine_1984	Posted On Jun 5, 2020 @AlwaysLusty - Well it was not about coming out. It's about the relationship as such. We both are already living independently ( away from our families). We both decided to be in the closet since we didn't want our family members to be burdened. We are living and working in different part of the city in our respective homes. He said this relationship doesn't let him be to be the person he is. He says he wants to daily talk to me at least for few mins but if I expect the same, he says this relationship is demanding and it's suffocating. When I suggested to call off he says he wants to be a friends and if possible friends with benefits. I don't understand, if it's hook up why give a pretext of friendship to it. I would rather be alone and have NSA hookups instead of this.. Anyways after a ugly spat, I said I am breaking off this relationship and don't wish any pretext of friendship or any tags to it.. It's called off.. And I choose my LONELINESS rather than living a lie or convincing me into one.
No Picture Valentine_1984	Posted On Jun 5, 2020 @Raghu_friendly - Likeminded partners are a rarerity. In any relationship be it's straight or homo, it is always about embracing our differences and respecting your partners's choices and striking a balance will only make any relationship work. Be it within closet or open or whatever. End of the day, the relationship should be true and mutual. Not *** in the name of relationship or vice.
No Picture Valentine_1984	Posted On Jun 5, 2020 @Oni17 - Yes I had to agree to you. In what was supposed to be our patch up talk, my ex said he can be as a good friend of me that would no way bother his routine life and *** can also happen. I felt rather being an emotional puppet and *** toy for someone's sexual desire, I wanted to walk with atleast some left over dignity of mine and called it off.
No Picture Pandi1980	Posted On Jun 5, 2020 @valentine - Really proud of you my dear friend (personally). The whole credits lies for this sentence "I called off with my dignity". I have came across few good couples in Europe. When *** or bed predominates our love, at that point the relationship dies. I agree that *** would boost our relationship and bonding but it shouldn't be the point to start our relationship. In regards of taking the choice of go with loneliness lies with us. Not all relationship will work out for sure that too in gay life it takes time. We are bound to many criterias in India such as Family, society, privacy, secrecy. It takes time to get rid of your permanent loneliness unless u find a right man. At this moment, I suggest you to feel that you have so many friends around you who likes you without any expectations. It can be your straight or gay friends. Spend your time with them. Don't feel lonely. Your man is on the way. When the right time comes, he will knock at your door to be a solution to get rid of your loneliness temporarily. Be hopeful. You deserve better da ❤️. I know you personally so I can strongly say that all your ex boy friends missed a valuable guy like you. They may or may not tell you personally in future but they will surely think that they made a bigger mistake when they realise the important facts of loving someone unconditionally. Cheer up buddy 😎 Get ready for your new experience which awaits you sponsered by life 😄
No Picture Triumph	Posted On Jun 6, 2020 @pandi1980. The need of the hour is friends like you who can boost confidence.
No Picture Triumph	Posted On Jun 6, 2020 Most guys in our community seek monetary help from elders. Instead they can't earn and be independent ha. There shouldnt be any expectations from anyone either. Except for emotional and mutual respect.
No Picture Valentine_1984	Posted On Jun 6, 2020 @Pandi1980 - Thanks for those comforting words. To be honest, I don't feel walking out of this and choosing my loneliness. Infact I am satisfied I made a wise choice. As to the context, most gays are loners since that's the best option they could get since finding the right man is a rarity and so are other pressing external factors like family, friends & society.
No Picture Lovejbp	Posted On Aug 27, 2020 It's better to live alone... I m alone... Ladko se pyar karna matlab apne pair pe kulhadi marna... Beech majhdhaar ne chhod k chale jaate hain.... My childhood friend.. Used me in 8class then I was attracted towrds him.. Actually I loved him.. He left me after 2 years.. Means in 10 class.. He stat ignoring me... Becoz of all this my life ruined... Na mujhe koi partner mila jise mai apna keh saku... Usne baat tak karna chhod diya.. I still miss him.. And wo mumbai me doctor ban gaya.. Aur mera career uski yaad me barbaad ho gaya... Kisis se dil ki baat bhi nhi keh sakta tha... Akele rehna pasand hai ab mujhe.. Akele movies jaao.. Shop jaao.. Akele malls.. Har jagah mai akele hi life jee raha hun.. Andar hi andar ghutan hoti hai.. But.. Kise express karun... So it's better to be alone...
No Picture Dirtyboii	Posted On Sep 6, 2020 Being a loner isn't entirely due to my sexuality. I ve been a loner even before I realised m gay. I like my company, and I rely mostly on myself (and of course a small friend circle) when there's a problem. This doesn't have anything to do with me being gay. I haven't faced any issue owing to my sexuality, luckily. It might not be the case with everyone though. Likewise I ve seen queer people who are totally outgoing and social, so you can't generalise. We have different kinds of people, just like the straight ones do.
No Picture hotbotpop	Posted On Sep 7, 2020 People have mostly assumed I'm straight, so never felt lonely for sexuality. But ya, their straight talks are boring, so sometimes I actually prefer being 'alone'. I wouldn't call that 'lonely' but it's actually like I'm with my own company and enjoy that to the maximum. There are lot to do with my own self, like travel/explore, self-talk, people watching, mentally walk over good and bad memories, watch some series/movies or *** :P, make plans for the future, ogle at guys and a lot more. I walk alone in my terrace every evening (leisurely) and time just flies. Someone I end up walking for hours until dark or until someone calls me. Mom even suspected I was checking out some girl from the terrace. She is almost right except that it is not a girl :P
No Picture Dombot26	Posted On Apr 28, 2022 Yes maximum of the guys I meet are loners , and try to stay away from the society . Even the married guys who have their own family are loners ,many of you might think this is wrong but from my personal experience even married guys are loners , depressed.trying to deal with the conflict of feelings inside them . If anyone gets too lonely then try a message or meet up with others and discuss those feeling
No Picture abbasulli	Posted On Apr 29, 2022 Yes 100% true from my experience. Especially gay boottoms are the most affected in this chain
No Picture Dombot26	Posted On May 6, 2022 If you are lonely then discuss that here and try to find like minded guys. There's a lot of guys who are going through the same thing . Be open about it and don't be scared to meet anyone .
No Picture Sana_Raand	Posted On May 7, 2022 Being able to live life alone is a superpower
Jaytop	Posted On May 7, 2022 Being gay and open is tough. And lonely. But don't try to remain lonely and think *** is good. It's good until you had enough and sometimes you will going to think you had enough. It's better to have someone. We always expect other person to remain loyal and think we should not be in relationship because people cheat. But how much balls we have to remain loyal with our partner, is something we often forget. Most of the time we run away from relationship either because we think only worse can happen or we know that we won't be to remain loyal as well but instead of accepting we try to blame others person. Try to find partner or atleast friends and if things don't work try again. Better to do hard work now then regret later.
No Picture vihit2345	Posted On May 8, 2022 Being gay and open is tough? YES. And lonely? NOPE. It is amzing to have someone.. it doesn’t take balls to stay loyal but it does take communication to make a relationship work! We often run away from being real and communicate which leads to a lot of problems, we always try to hide things! Accept, and be what you want to be.
No Picture Mumbaiblues	Posted On May 8, 2022 In my view, Loneliness is only for guys who are bound to get married (to a girl) because of many reasons they think is not their fault, like family pressure, social pressure etc. But, it is all just reasons to shift responsibility to someone else, it is their fault if they succumb to anybody's pressure and sacrifice their own happiness. It's YOUR Life, nobody will suffer except YOU if you try to live how others want. If you are Gay and not pretend to be Bi like most Indian Gay Men who get married and then lurk in shadows rest of their lives, you are bound to feel Lonely and Unhappy. If you are true to yourself, whether Openly or Not, you'll still be happy whether you are in a relationship or not. However, it is also true that most Gay mean are habitual cheaters even when they are in relationships, it is also a sad reality.
No Picture Curiousboy92	Posted On May 8, 2022 I dont know about others .but I am lonely I am young slim boy... Many people likes me.. I meet people whenever I want to have fun.. Otherwise I never made friendship with normal people... If my friends ask me for party or movie, I get scared and nervous and I void them. Whereas some gay men asks for fun I go and meet them in a closed door. I dont understand what is qrong with me, it is eaay for me to meet stranger wheras meeting known people os difficult for me..
ANDYfook	Posted On May 8, 2022 Being gay is a curse, and a boon It's tough , and lonely. But it gives you a different perspective to life.... Gay guys are very creative, either fashion or architect or cook. They are very skilled with their hands... Always
No Picture tharkigandu97	Posted On Dec 19, 2022 For years I’ve noticed the my straight friends has disappeared into relationships, kids while we struggle through isolation and anxiety, hard drugs and risky ***. We see traditional families,and a ton of gay ***. ... So I guess that's the two options we have
No Picture PattyNatty89	Posted On Aug 7, 2023 Being gay in India itself is a big struggle. In this fast life, we want everything simple, easy and quick. It is same in case of online dating. We get everything whatever we want and whenever we want. Feeling ***? open Grindr and you get ***. Tinder used to be great when you want to be in a relationship but now its success rate less. When you match with a guy, 80% won't continue after hi and hello. Why? because when you are available for the conversation, other person is busy. If you continue then there are 20-30% chances of meeting face to face. Then you somehow starts dating and after 3-4 moths you feel this is not the right person and the reasons are really meaningless most of the time. I'm not blaming here anyone but this is how it is. you need to give time to each other. We are not ready to understand each other, know each other. Cancel culture is increasing and we end up being alone. After some years of loneliness you get used to it. You create boundaries. If anyone is really TRYING to come closer to you, you feel attacked and your defence mechanism push that guy away.
No Picture Sahaisab	Posted On Aug 8, 2023 100% agree with you @patty natty, m bisexual by force, never wanted to get married to a female. Now m 52 and I feel alone being at work place or at home with my family. As you rightly said we create a boundary arround ourselves and do not allow people to sneak or enter into that area. That exactly happened to me and m not meeting my old school / college friends even if I get time. I want to spend more time with myself.
No Picture Simple123	Posted On Aug 8, 2023 @sahaisab, this is exactly happening to me too, i prefer to stay alone if am in crowd i feel i am judged by others and done feel comfortable i have lost the ability to communicate like before.
No Picture samira	Posted On Aug 8, 2023 Thanx for the thread.. And would love to share my too.. In my opinion.. May be yes .. Am loner in many sense.... Reason.. May be when I was touched by my uncle I started love that feeling later on got to know that those feelings I developed are from female side and I love to b a female on bed... And slowly I came to school made friends.. Had girlfriends crush also bt somewhere used to like the manly touch on my body may be that's why I love mature men on me in me.. Made gay frnds too and developed that I love to cross dress and love the feeling of lingerie on me... I cudnt express due to society.. Elder son.. Responsibility etc and delovoped the way of life that I love to be alone.. Travel alone.. Reason that in that way I could b with myself.. And came Mumbai.. I remember when I used to go Delhi my home town.. I used to take 10 days off.. Tell parents I ll b coming for 3-4 days and rest 6 days stay in hotel in Mumbai or Delhi.. Go to shop buy lingeriesfor me get hooked up.. Buy sanitary pads and roam around pee drop by drop to feel like girl.. And the more I developed my girly feeling more I became loner as I was alone no one to share to.. And then realised more I feel loner the more adventure I become.. From going to kamathipura speak to shenales.. Or go to truck terminals or change in auto in girl attire and roam.... And then there was time when I started living with a man for may be 2 years I remember I was not loner that time I used to talk to every one on home I was socialise as I know in home I ll b a girl for the man... For two years I don't remember I wore boy clothes in front of him... He used to treat me like his wife, but after our broke up it felt like some void hv come cz of which I became more outspoken in terms of going out.. And try new things. So may b ya gay guys become loner
No Picture Bicuriouside69	Posted On Aug 8, 2023 I used to be exactly as you are describing in this thread and to an extent I'm still the same. It's hard to find friends who are like minded as there is the looming fear of being judged or maybe rejected for being a little different. Strangely there was a time I used to hate being a bisexual, I used to run away from all these feelings and hated the way I was. But now as I have grown I have realized it's not at all my fault. Acceptance came as I realized how society and Human mentality itself that is flawed creating an environment of self loathing. For now, I'm still keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself but at least I'm not running from myself anymore. And it's okay for me to be alone in many situations. Remember Tigers walk alone, sheep walk in a heard.
No Picture samira	Posted On Aug 9, 2023 I guess I dnt know may be whatever I read and gather we are loner and somewhere am not saying proper but yes it's a kind of depression way???? Like being introvert but when my depression or something loner feeling came out or say my mood swings I become extrovert.. Like i had bad day In office no talk from parents family proper and m feeling so low In home and I know drink only won't b helpful I wear clothes CD it was earlier but now it's like.. If I confess some one in proper mind when I calculate from brain.. Won't go to Kalamboli truck terminal from kandiwali west in night it takes almost 2 hours and it happened the moment I reached thr I had in mind why I hv come there it's of no use only for few drops of *** I hv spent 2 hours.. So go back bt I went thr... Roamed as girl... In skirt blouse and if m feeling so bad and I need my mind get distracted I roam more seductively flash my *** and get banged.... I remember one incident last to last year after imperial of course it all started otherwise at imperial I used to get my mind free and all went well... So I had arguments in family... Day was bad I needed to cry... In night around 8 I never did like that bt I did.. I wore stocking bra panties inside me and in home I took auto.. Went to Bandra station from thr.. I sat as boy lingerie was inside my clothes but on way only about to reach Bandra I removed my clothes slowly was wearing skirt inside and tied my shirt as blouse and had scarf and came out of auto. Roamed here and there... Nd then took train went to gateway of India.. It was bold move for me but I thought let it be . .. Walked from church gate till gateway at 11 pm roads were empty whenever I see men I flash my skirt up... On footpath I walked some juice shop wala were sitting I flashed my *** to them.. All goes like that.. Here and there.. Luckily grinder Romeo was on so got hooked up ... Took taxi came back till Bandra and roamed again like tat.. Well when I came back next morning some of my old ex colleagues so some of their known ones who knew me said thy saw someone like me as girl in train... I was like *** but then .. But later I thght let it be...
No Picture jaidesai69	Posted On Aug 12, 2023 being lonely: most of us are lonely in our thoughts/ daily problems, as no two people are the same (except identical twins). we were born alone and must die alone. in-between....... we fill the gaps with other people (family/friends/neighbours/colleagues) in our lives. the closest relationship we can achieve as men is with our wives. however if one is bisexual or unfaithful, that creates secrecy and invites loneliness. gay people are most lonely as they have secrets to hide and so withdraw from their families/friends/ neighbours/colleauges. if the gay person as a good faithful partner, then a lot of the loneliness will be minimised, as you can share your secrets with each other.
Previous comments: 1  2  3