OhMojo.com - GAY DATING FOR GUYS IN UNITED STATES
Home Guys Online in United States Search Profiles Gay Cruising Spots in United States

Coming out


Submitted by Shiningarmour Location: All India (All India, India)

First of all , thanks to all the contributors here for making this forum not just about the sexual aspect of homosexuality. One thing I have noticed to be missing is that there isn't a discussion on coming out.

Coming out to my parents has been an idea I have been toying around with for sometime now but I also know that this would not welcome in my family. It would be really helpful if people can share their experiences or even any advice

Reply/Post a comment


Displaying 1 to 50 of 57 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

No Picture

smoothchub
Posted On Aug 18, 2018

Why would you wanna tell your parents you secretly love *** ***? Lmao

No Picture

Gayparity
Posted On Aug 18, 2018

Same I to think, not necessary to come out

No Picture

Mominalbert
Posted On Aug 18, 2018

Hello...hope you are you doing well...my suggestion would be to settle yourself with a job first. If you're are well settled, then you may think of coming out...think and act.


Hugs Albert.

No Picture

fifty
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

There are some LGBT NGOs who help in this regard. They will explain how to go about it. They also get you in touch with a psychiatrist who can explain things to your folks.

No Picture

trust313
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

I agree, one having such feelings, must come out. Probably in our culture, it's bit difficult but one really want to enjoy their life, must have face the facts

No Picture

Atticus
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

Please think deeply and weight the pots and cons before you tell your family.

My cousin informed our supposedly open-minded khandaan about his orientation and there was an eruption of disgust, nasty fun making, and shock from his parents, uncle's and cousins.

He's gone into his shell and is not welcome at any family functions.

Unless you know for sure your family is going to react positively, please think carefully before u take this huge step


No Picture

Atticus
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

Sorry I meant pros and cons

No Picture

agkeshav
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

Do not do that!
Strong advice.
Even own family won't accept you.
You will be branded as a degenerate.


Ones who don't have the orientation will never be able to understand.
If you are lucky, they will think you have some mental disorder, try to force correct you. If you are unlucky, worse may happen.

Besides, what's the point?
If you feel lonely, you can always come here.
Certain things should be kept buried inside closet

No Picture

fifty
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

Someone may not want to lead a dual life.That's one reason to come out.
There are many who are out and have been accepted by their family and friends, co-workers.
It is better to attain financial independence and gather enough mental strength before coming out.

No Picture

CrazyCruiser
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

The question should not be IF you should come out to your parents, it should be HOW you should come out to your parents. All these degenerate guys saying you should not come out because your family won't accept you and *** is nonsense. These are the following things you should keep in mind before planning to come out to your parents, family or friends:

1. You yourself should be able to understand and judge how progressive your parents are.
2. Have they spoken about homosexuality in any context? Be it something seen on TV or news. What was their reaction?
3. How strict and rational they are when it comes to you, their son. Are they the kinds to take your side no matter what? Or are they more concerned about society and 'log kya kahenge'?
4. Are they malleable and open to being subconsciously conditioned to be educated about homosexuality? There's a difference between ACKNOWLEDGING their song as gay, and ACCEPTING their son as gay. Former comes first, the latter comes later.
5. What is their age? Are they in a physically good condition to handle such kind of life-changing truth?
6. What is your age? If you are not of marriageable age yet, it would be good to come out now, and give them time to get used to it. It will get messier once they are looking for girls and you proclaim you're gay. You're gonna *** everyone's happiness in that case just to be happy by yourself.
7. How much involved are your parents with your extended family? Is your coming out going to bring additional family members into discussion?
8. Are they the type who might kick you out of the house out of shame? In that case, what is your independent financial standing?

These are some of the things you should do a self-evaluation about before you come out. Bloody don't listen to other guys who have had bad experience, nor to those who have had it easy coming out. Everyone's situation and parents are different. The fact that anyone should give advice against coming out just because they had a bad time proves that they are a part of a backward setting and had an unfortunate time. You should go do what your gut feels like, but weighing all your options.

No Picture

Cutewhitey
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

my advice would be not to come out. Our society is not yet that progressive. 99.9% the chances are that it would go against you. You will have to suffer the hardships, the struggle. Trust me the *** you may have after this would not be worth it. Instead i would suggest you to embrace this dual life. Its so thrilling, so exciting. Be adventurous, *** some ***, hook up with dudes, get ***, try gang bangs all with the comfort of knowing that no body knows your little secret.

No Picture

CrazyCruiser
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

Considering Cutewhitey's enlightening comment about "dual life", let me share with you the experience as a guy who is out to his parents: The relief that you get after coming out is unparalleled. Sure, your non-progressive parents are going to take time to accept such a huge thing, but as long as you are doing well in your career and life, they will be happy for you over time. After that you don't need to have this fear about 'what if someone tells my parents" or "what if they find out about me from someone else" (and finding out from someone else is way more disappointing, mind you!)

You need to explain what being means, and what it will mean to you. They might have notions that being gay means you are a woman, or wanna dress up as a woman, or stuff like that... As long as it's not true in your case, you should be able to convince them slowly and steadily. If you are a jobless, pansy man, who can't even fend for himself, but does only avargardi sitting at home, then of course don't expect your parents to be progressive about your life choice if they are already regressive. This kind of coming out news requires a strong barter of convincing support about you being an independent and strong man. Please ignore cutewhitey's ignorant rambling. ("99.9% society is not yet progressive" i believe! where does he even get such kind of stats? No wonder your parents don't want you to be more queer than you already are! Stay in your closet and be straight)

No Picture

HeadsTailsAndHo
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

Coming out to your parents is one thing
Coming out to your siblings is other
Coming out to your extended family, like Jeeju, Bhabhi, cousin is another
coming out to your close friend(s) is another

And
Being OUT and OPEN is completely different.

So choose wisely.
Also
It is not like if they understand it or not
It is also not like what they will say
It is like, how much it is needed to you and how much it will affect your relation with them.

And believe me, we all know which relation is real and which is just for namesake.

So don't come out to the people for whom it does not matter or the relation with whom is not important to you or them either.

Come out to the close ones. And step by step.

No Picture

fifty
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

For some, or maybe many, being gay means suckung a xock and getting ***.
There are guys, for whom, being gay is not just about ***. It is also loving another man and having a man as a life partner.
I don't care about the former category and their opinion.
Crazy cruiser, i know, you don't like being complimented on your comments , but must say Your words are worth more than gold.

No Picture

282472
Posted On Aug 19, 2018

First become a celebrity n then disclose ur orientation.. ordinary person is never accepted in our society.. its too taboo in India.. unless u have lots of money and u are a celeb.

No Picture

fifty
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

There are many ordinary (as in non-celebrity) guys who are out - to their family, friends, some at office too. Some big companies, some educational institutes have queer support groups. The LGBT NGO in mumbai conducts meets for parents of LGBT folks.

No Picture

ash45ash
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

It is our own privacy. Why should we need to come out to all those individuals, whose life is not impacted by our orientation. Since the society has not fully accepted homosexuals i do not think we need to be open. Often, we must be open to those who are affected by our orientation and give them a liberty to choose.

No Picture

fifty
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

More and more people coming out will move the society to accept homosexuals. Society is made of our family, relatives, co-workers and neighbors.
Again, this will matter only to those for whom being gay is not just having *** with another man. There are many guys who are looking to spend their lives with another guy under one roof. And there are a few, who have achieved that.

No Picture

tonedbloke
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

I had to come out to my family but not intentionally. I had reached a "marriageable age" and being very eligible there were already proposals coming in. I stood my ground and refused to get married as I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years then. So my sister who was having the discussion with me asked me if it was because of my friend that I was not getting married. I said yes. They were obviously very angry and tried their level best to convince me to change from my "evil ways". I stayed adamant. I was already independent by then and so I could manage not that they would have disowned me.
Gradually they came to terms with me and my relationship and now are comfortable with my boyfriend. They visit us now and then. He is also welcome to their homes. My mother took a long time to accept my boyfriend again as she felt cheated as she used to care for him a lot earlier. But now she is also comfortable. Life is so much better that I now don't have to hide my sexuality. 'But I dont broadcast myself as "being gay". I dont hide the fact also. I live my life the way I want to. I feel my colleagues and friends may or may not know about my sexuality, knowing that I live with another man. but I dont care.

No Picture

abbasulli
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

Its not right time or right place to come out. Leading dual life is such a pain and a burden on one's self. This conditioning has so much altered my personality. I came out to my parents. They treat me like am diseased.. plagued and they pray for cure ! They expect me to still get married which is very bad. What if they had a daughter would they welcome a gay son in law? So unfair. I understand where they are coming from and their concerns. But unfortunately its very tough to explain this thing to them..!

Being closeted for 30 years.. it has exhausted me mentally and am clinically depressed. Sometimes even though life might take a very different turn, it is better to come out to avoid such healthy issues.

No Picture

BigBoyMayan
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

I'm amazed at the views of some of the guys posting here. For them being gay is just about *** *** or having *** with men. Is there all there is to it?

It is very sad that many guys feel coming out does not serve any purpose. Obviously they do not have any conscience and so they do not mind leading a dual life. I'm guessing these are the guys who get married and continue to cheat on their spouses with other men and feel it is totally ok.

For the rest of us, being gay is about more than ***. It is about attraction and love. The society does not accept gay relationships because they do not see how normal it can be. The image they have of gay guys in their minds is that of shady and sleazy men having sleazy sexual encounters with other men. How would they have any other picture in their mind when they do not see gay men in regular social settings at all?

If people see more and more gay people they will see there is nothing abnormal about them. They will realize that gay men are just like regular people. They will see that gay men can have the same romantic feelings like straight men. They also might want to fall in love just like straight people. They can have the same kind of aspiration to be in a relationship like straight people. They also may want to get married just like straight people.

So how will they see all of this if all gay men stay firmly closeted and do not come out? That is why coming out is a very important thing to do. It is not an event or a rite of passage. It is a declaration that we want to lead a normal life and we are not ashamed of our attractions. It is a way to tell the world that being gay is not wrong and that we will not lead a life where we have to keep secrets, lead a dual life and be on the lookout to avoid being caught!

Coming out need not be a loud speech made out to the world. It can mean as simple as not hiding your sexuality under a hundred layers of secrecy. It can be as simple as telling your parents or your siblings that you have a crush on another man.

You need not come out to uncle Ravinder who thinks women's rightful place is in the kitchen. But you also need not keep silent when uncle Ravinder's son comes out as gay and is put through hell for it! You need not declare your sexuality at your work place. But you also need not hide your excitement if a hot crush of yours starts flirting with you.

The gay marriage debate was fierce in the US till 2015. Society was divided and it seemed like there was more opposition to it than was possible. Many states had explicitly banned gay marriages. However the US Supreme court passed a verdict that made gay marriages legal. It has been only 3 years now but in just that short span of time it seems unthinkable that there ever was an opposition to this. Today gay relationships and marriages have become such a norm that it is not even seen as anything out of the ordinary there. There are no debates. Anyone discriminating or being homophobic is considered and outright bigot. Sure there are a few people who still have not made peace with this fact but more than 90% people now feel that it was the right thing to happen. That figure was much lower before the Supreme Court judgement!

All this became possible because of all the gay men and women who decided they did not want to lead a closeted life and came out as gay. It makes a world of difference.

So I will say that coming out is something all gay men should do!

That being said, I will also add that coming is a very personal decision. In the recent movie Love, Simon, the protagonist is outed by a straight guy. Simon feels frustrated and rebukes the guy by saying "I'm supposed to be the one to decide when and where and who knows and you took that from me".

Everyone should have the right to decide when and how they want to come out. I have seen some out-and-proud gay men talk about closeted people with derision. What they forget is that everyone's life is not the same. Some men may face more difficulties than others. Some men may have stronger resolves than others. Some men may be able to deal with the consequences better. Everyone's life and circumstances are unique and so we should allow everyone to decide whether, when and how they would like to come out.

The ideal goal will be to reach a day where coming out is not at all needed. Being gay becomes such a regular thing that there is absolutely no need to declare one's sexual orientation. But until that day, coming out is the thing that will pave the path towards that future.


No Picture

Sabave
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

Well said BigBoyMayan, tonedbloke and CrazyCruiser. You guys have provided progressive comments but at the same time pointing out the pros and cons in it.

" If you are a jobless, pansy man, who can't even fend for himself, but does only avargardi sitting at home, then of course don't expect your parents to be progressive about your life choice if they are already regressive." - Completely agree!


No Picture

kshay123
Posted On Aug 20, 2018

The most important part is admitting to your own self.. Are you gay? are you bi? are u just curious?... These are important questions that u must first answer and let no one misguide u into thinking u r someone you are not. na parents na friends. . maketh sense? :P ..

No Picture

Shiningarmour
Posted On Aug 22, 2018

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and insights and helping me clear the clutter in my head!

I am however a bit surprised as no one has shared a personal experience...

No Picture

jackscs2005
Posted On Aug 24, 2018

I feel being gay is still a taboo in India. so better to be quite and enjoy life secretly. don't hurt parents as they won't understand. It may take generation to change mindset. May be once we are in their age may see different India.

No Picture

Delhiguy123
Posted On Aug 28, 2018

Come out to parents in India means you will isolate yourself from family, relatives and friends. In India it is still consider as SIN.

No Picture

HotMuscleFun
Posted On Oct 2, 2018

Because your living a lie that kills your self esteem, things only got better for us in the US by coming out, grow some balls men.

No Picture

Ryan13
Posted On Oct 3, 2018

There s nothing called coming out, just be yourself and live a life you are comfortable living, everyone in my close circle knows Abt me, I dnt go beating drum saying am gay but if someone asks me I dnt hide. Unless you are bisexual it's better not to hide your real self, life is short why live a lie.
Am single, when ppl ask me y m i not married I tell them I am not interested in girls, most of them aren't as close minded as we expect, to most it doesn't even matter these days.

No Picture

vinayms
Posted On Oct 4, 2018

I had a friend who came out to his parents. From that point, he was sort of isolated from his family. His mom just stopped talking, dad was confused etc. He left to Scotland for studies and just settled there. He doesn't attend any family functions because all relatives keep asking why is he not married and all that. BUT slowly his parents seem to come to terms with their gay son, very slowly though. Now they are sort of ok and they talk and all that.

So it is definitely tough to come out. My advise is postpone coming out until there are serious marriage talks. And I guess NOT coming out and marrying a straight girl would be stressful for your entire life. Your life will move just like that and by then you would have lived a life full of stress, lies and guilt. If you can avoid marriage without coming out or marry a compatible girl who is not interested in ***, that is a great option.


No Picture

bisanthosh
Posted On Oct 4, 2018

If you dont give a damn about your parents/friends/relatives/wife/kids.. and if you are ready to lose them permanently in your life.. then feel free to come out and tell the world that you are gay.


No Picture

Cuteguysblr
Posted On Oct 5, 2018

I didn't come out to my parents. I was keep postponing my marriage. Every relatives whom I meet ask about my marriage. I just say after sometime. But the pressure was high at one point, I told my parents that I also wanted to get married. But i can't get married due to some health issue. I am kind if impotent(actually lie, but just told to convince them). It will spoil a girls life a d end in divorce. Again our family name will spoil. I even checked with all doctors. Since its by birth can't cure it bla bla bla. They cried for a week. Later they never forced me to get married. Also i tolf them i am happily living my life. You guys dont worry. Just enjoy the life you wanted :-). Now things afe smooth. But still i couldn't face my relatives. Every occasion they ralk about my marriage only...

No Picture

Flamer
Posted On Oct 5, 2018

I came out to my parents about a week ago. It was killing me from inside, I had no idea of how they might react. And I was extremely hesitant and afraid to tell them but these things ought to come out. My parents are normal (meaning homophobic) and they had difficulty accepting it, they still think my mind is just playing tricks. But I told them because they have always asked me to talk out everything to them. Guys it's hoooorible while you are coming out, believe me, but if our parents care for us then it's our responsibility to give them some time to cope it up with and to explain it to them. You can just simply leave them in old age and become a typical Indian selfish son or you can help them understand what we are. Being gay is no children play, we bear a lot in us but every strong person needs someone.

P.S.- my parents still don't accept homosexuality as a lifestyle but they don't blame me for being homosexual and they want me to decide weather I wanna get counselled or not.

No Picture

Quickiee
Posted On Oct 5, 2018

I applaud ur courage @Flamer! I came out to my folks five years ago but the battle still continues! I am happy your parents are not entirely hostile! Be patient with them as coming out is a process!

I shall pray for you :)

No Picture

Gulfisaforever
Posted On Oct 5, 2018

@cuteguysblr
Honestly i cant understand, what keeda is inside all these relatives nether region. Why cant they mind their own fcking business. Why do they need to poke their noses in others private lives. I mean, hum bhi kisi na kisi ke relatives hai na, we dont go about harassing n torturing ppl abt their marriage work salary life etc. Why dont our parents understand this thing, n stay away from such stupid nosy relatives.

No Picture

Flamer
Posted On Oct 11, 2018

Guys now that section 377 has amended... Do u think we can just casually tell people that we are gay?

No Picture

Lips4hugepoles
Posted On Oct 12, 2018

It wasn't the people, friends and family who were going to imprison you for 377. The repeal just means we're no longer criminals. It doesn't change anything about the social stigma nor does it make it something to brag about

No Picture

Shiningarmour
Posted On Oct 24, 2018

Sushant Divgikr (Mr Gay World India 2014, VJ, TV Host, Model, Actor, singer , humanitarian, columnist, psychologist)

“In school when boys would objectify girls, I’d be disgusted–they’d think I was a nutjob. On the other hand, my first crush was Adam Levine–so I knew I was different. Today, when a young person from the LGBT community researches online, there are so many helpful websites. But when I was young, all the internet had was ***! So the whole ‘oh yes! I might be gay!’ was difficult to come around.
In school, nobody dared to mess with me. I was the sports captain. So I was covered on the ‘protecting myself against bullies’ bit. In college, I started working in the industry as a VJ for a well known channel and was confident about my sexuality.
On set, jokes were cracked at my expense. But I always knew how to give it back. I’m a diva–I say what’s on my mind. Once, I was in drag costume and a man shamelessly whispered to his friend and laughed. I went up to him and asked him if he had something to say to me. It scared the living daylights out of him.
I was scared when I first came out to my friends. Some didn’t believe me while others said I didn’t have to tell them, they knew. But, one girl didn’t come to college for 2 days! I later found out she had a crush on me!
At home, my brother found out and asked me if it was true. I said yes–suddenly he started feeling overprotective. My macho brother who couldn’t keep his trap shut, casually mentioned it to my father. I had no choice but to come out to him too! He was so supportive and asked me if I’d like to tell my mother alone or if he should help. I said I’d like to do it on my own.
And ‘foolish me,’ I tried to talk to her during her TV serial. In between the breaks, I tried to get a word in. She told me ‘if it was about me being gay, I should wait till the next break–she already knew!’ When I asked her how, she gave me the old ‘I’ve given birth to you’ dialogue.
My coming out story is only about acceptance because of the people around me. Once, I was anchoring for a show and some people said really shitty stuff behind my back. The director heard and asked that guy to resign. She went on to become my mentor. I was always supported! That’s what I believe in, people treat you like how you think you deserve to be treated. And I’m a certified diva who speaks his mind, so I should be treated like the *** Queen that I am.”

No Picture

Shiningarmour
Posted On Oct 24, 2018

Above post courtesy “ humans of Bombay “ on FB

No Picture

dirtypig788
Posted On Nov 12, 2018

Guys .. anyone help me... I want to come out to my close straight friend and I don’t want to loose his friendship because of it.. as he help me lot in my personal life

No Picture

RahulMumbai
Posted On Nov 13, 2018

377 is legal but problem is people's thinking is still same
People look gay people as cocksucker, hijda n sexual addicted guy.
They don't understand feeling of another person as they don't accept change.

When you'll be open up to your friends they will look at you with different angle .not as same..
Even you are with your straight friend or brother they will think that he will get *** by someone straight guy or anyone because he is gay
Anyhow your straight friend will also have to leave your company for his self respect from community even if he doesn't care about people..
When you live in society..you have to follow some rules

That's a reason why people are not coming out of closet.
I have been in a community .I met gay people who are opened up to their family n society.
They have freedom but nobody respects them.
You won't get a job either.
And so on.

Go for council meeting and discuss what your problems are.
Thanks

View Gay Profile Picture
NottyHotty1
Posted On Nov 14, 2018

@Rahul... i agree with few of your lines and disagree with few. Especially job thing.. I think these days big corporates are very open they don't discriminate on sexual preference. If you talking about some small companies then situation might be different. India is progressing though at slow pace.

Yes I agree that some people (st8) might develop a distance from you

No Picture

Bottom4alltops
Posted On Nov 14, 2018

@Nottyhottty- I agree with you, I am working with M&M and I was hired even though the HR new I was a gay. I did have issues with some people at work but mostly everyone has accepted me the way I am. This may not be true for everyone working in Corporates or MNC's but he'll yeah we need to make people realize how smart and talented people we are.... I have alot of support from my colleagues....

No Picture

dirtypig788
Posted On Nov 14, 2018

@Bottom4alltops .. Very nice to hear your situation..

@Rahul, I agree with you .. To be frank except 377 nothing is changing .. why i am saying this .. if you talk to any one on LGBT .. most of them will as if very liberal (I mean Str8 or to some extent BI too) .. but behind they will be Homophobic . I have seen it many times .. Only thing i feel not necessary with your comment is .. I no need to go for Council meeting as many good guys here .. from all the section of society who prefer to give some valid advice like you ..

I really dont know why I want my straight friend to know I am gay.. may be my love on him is too much these day where i cannot control ..

Let see how the things unflod for me .. Thanks @Rahul & @NottyHotty1

No Picture

Valentine84
Posted On Nov 14, 2018

Coming out is purely your personal choice but you don't have to carry your sexuality on your sleeve. People may be inclusive or liberal or homophobic, but neither you have to tell ur sexuality to everyone nor do u need everyone's approval.

@RahulMumbai

* Agreed many think that a gay person means he sucks *** or practices sodomy. Though a beautiful love exists in gay life too, the society still views gay men have *** only. But aren't we responsible ourselves for this kind of an image on us ?? With numerous hook ups and multiple partners, how many of us really took a gay relationship seriously ? Until we ourselves be the change, the society around us won't change. Therefore, there's no wrong in the society seeing us with this short-sightedness.

* Gay/lesbian people form a minority in the society which means a majority of people are heterosexuals. Does that mean they try to sleep with every opposite gender people they work or friends with ? But this kind of maturity level of thinking would require a longer time for the non gay/lesbian people to be realised. In the long run people would understand but the equally depends on the individuals moral integrity too.

* I wouldn't say decriminalisation of 377 has changed everything but there is a little change. Atleast now, no police or any other blackmailers can use our sexuality to threaten us. Also we could no longer be called criminals just for our sexuality.

@dirtypig- I have these questions to you

1. Why do want tell ur sexuality to ur straight friend and spoil a good friendship ?
2. What if your straight friend is homophobic and by telling ur sexuality you not only loose a good friend and but loosing ur own dignity to him ?
3. You say you can't control your feelings for him. Now that's really tricky. What feeling is that ? If your feeling is lust, then you are expressing ur lust with a sinister purpose to bed him.

No Picture

dirtypig788
Posted On Nov 14, 2018

@Valentine84

Below is the answer


1. Why do want tell ur sexuality to ur straight friend and spoil a good friendship ? .. ok agree
2. What if your straight friend is homophobic and by telling ur sexuality you not only loose a good friend and but loosing ur own dignity to him ?
3. You say you can't control your feelings for him. Now that's really tricky. What feeling is that ? If your feeling is lust, then you are expressing ur lust with a sinister purpose to bed him.

Why this direct questions to me in forum .. now i obliged to answer it .. I just want to be very clear , its not lustful .. My friend dont look like a romeo.that I want to go with him to the bed immediately.. He went for long leave for his personal reason .. I started feeling so much missing him .. I have later realized . I am in love with him.. these days I feel so happy if he is next to me .. He also like me very much as a friend and many a times he told me ..

Having said that I am very sure I am in love .. Dude .. gay loves exists man !!! .. so I want to tell my friend that how much I love him and how much i feel happy when he is next to me .. Thats why I want to come out to him..

As there is difference when I call him as Friend and Boy friend .. Now I want to feel that difference.. That's all dude .. !!!

No Picture

chembur
Posted On Nov 15, 2018

Can't agree more to Valentine's point 1 : The onus of changing perception about LGBTQ lies with the community and not with any government. I had posted it few months back as well that Respect needs to be earned :)


No Picture

fifty
Posted On Nov 15, 2018

We are assuming that the whole society is homophobic. Is this a hidden homophobia amongst oursevles? I have come across many people who are very understanding.
I must also mention that after the section 377 was repealed , there were many homophobic comments from people calling themselves liberal. But there was an equal volume of counter argument and patient explaining too.
I am out to few of my close (straight) friends and haven't lost any of them.
I was in the same situation as mentioned above, where I was in LOVE with one my close friends. After lots of struggle with self (how will he react, might he be homophobe ? whether I will lose him as a friend, etc) I expressed my love to him. He was taken aback. But he understood.(Indeed a gem of a person, maybe thats why i fell in love with him. Haent found anyone like him since) Of course he is straight, and by then he was engaged to a girl chosen by his parents. I only wanted to express my love to him. I did this just before when I was to leave that town for good. (The feeling of loving someone, is really beautiful, whether it is reciprocated or not...when you get up in the morning, you think about him rather than yourself...) We are in touch..wish each other on our birthdays and festivals. A phone call once in a while.
For him it was just love and not lust, as I had never even fantasized about having *** with him till then. Though now I fantasize occasionally about him)

For me a friend is someone, with whom I can be my trueself. It is not just sexuality. There are so many things we keep to ourselves for fear of not being understood and accepted.Sexuality is one of those things. I feel it is important to share it with our closest friends. If s/he cant accept it, then I better not have such a person as a friend. No use.

No Picture

dirtypig788
Posted On Nov 15, 2018

@chembur..

We are having multiple hook up.. because we can’t marry a guy and call him as husband and live with him for life long like heterosexual..

If that option is there then we can lead best example of how happy gay married life is to our counter part in rest of the world..

For that to do both of them has to come out and both had to take lot of risk in society..

So there is no need of complaining of on it.. because no one wants to become ***... we are forced to do it..

No Picture

fifty
Posted On Nov 15, 2018

There are a few gay (indian) couples who are living together. Some of them also had a proper wedding ceremony. I know a couple staying together since 1990s. But of course most of them are well to do,well placed in their job/career, out not just to their people, but to society.
I know a few gay guys who are out to their family and friends and want to settle with a gay partner but are not able to find such partner.
There is at least one website to help gays find life partners.
Since majority of the guys are bisexuals, they have the easier way out of marrying a girl and continuing with their homosexual activities.
The rest, if i can call them pure gays, have it tough.

No Picture

Valentine84
Posted On Nov 15, 2018

@dirtypig

First of all the intention to question you in open forum was not pin-pointing you. A discussion thrown on an open forum could help other people of similar dilemma to relate to the issue or even come up with better ideas.

Dude if your love for him is pure with no lust better to have that love to yourself. You don't have to verbally express 'I love you' to make him realise your love. Cos love is not spelled rather felt.
You may be happy calling him as your boy friend but does your friend find it happy to address you as his friend or boy friend ?

This may sound cliched but if you really love a person you put their preference before yours. Hope you know what I mean.

To express your love to him you needn't open up about your sexuality or propose him up front. There are many ways to make him realise you love him but it's a time consuming process and works out only when the feelings are mutual. So GOOD LUCK dude..

Previous comments: 1  2